Life — April 7, 1921 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

By Ivan Mariner. Parr II. 'HE final decision of The Peace Con- ference to include the vast regions of Snoberia, Fash-un (called Fashion by some geographers), Suburbia, and Profi- teeria in a greater Vulgaria rests on the soundest ethnographic and __ historical bases. To some future historian, someone possessing the imaginative qualitics of a Creel or a Wells, must be left the task, however, of giving in full the story of these ancient provinces; nothing but the briefest and most casual survey can be given here, but enough, it is hoped, to demonstrate the significance of the final union under one central government of their diverse yet similar peoples. Although Snoberia—the land of the Snobs as it is known in song and story— is an arid, desolate land, still its citizens have multiplied and prospered. A distinct strain of Vulgar blood unites them with their neighbors on all sides; hence the proverbial saying “once a Snob always a Vulgar.” They are a strange, detached people strongly tenacious of their customs, as is indicated by their national motto, paraphrased from the saying of one of the most famous Snobs of a dim past: “God, we thank Thee that we are not as other men are.” It is not probable that the Snobs will play an important part in the destinies of the new Union. Their chief racial char- acteristics are docility and subservience, and undoubtedly they will follow eagerly the leadership of their dominating and powerful kinsmen. Fash-un, or Fashion, as it is popularly known, is a little world in itself with a long and varied historical past. The in- habitants, restless, superficial, indefatiga- ble in the pursuit of pleasure, are a homo- genous people who hold potent sway over a great domain. In the olden times there was a strong feeling of caste among the men and women of Fashion, but in these later days of quick and evil communica- tion, their manners have been somewhat corrupted by a flood of immigration from the adjacent provinces. Modern econo- LIFE mists would describe them as industrially backward. As their national emblem, the lily, betokens, they are neither toilers nor do they spin; and yet they are the busiest of people. But like those of their patron saint, Sisyphus, their labors though inces- sant are futile, Purple and fine linen are the chief products of the country, and it is far-famed for its vast trade in fi jewels and the more expensive luxuries, There is much consolation to be de- rived by the less civilized peoples of the world to-day, suffering as they are from a recrudescence of prohibitory and “ blue” laws, from a careful study of the so-called Decrees of Fashion. These tyrannous edicts have had no parallel for severity in legal history since those of the Medes and Persians, and yct the highest duty of the Fashionables—the only duty that they con- sider obligatory—is humble and strict ob- servance. It will be of interest to political students to watch the inevitable struggle for su- premacy in the new state between Profi- teeria and Fashion. The League of tions will have its work cut out for it, to accommodate their differences. (To be concluded.) The Agrarian Movement in Canada UR correspondent informs us that the Farmer's Party has greatly increased its numbers by extending its membership to all city-dwellers who sow their wild oats on roof gardens. Purely Feminine ? ONES (after the stud-poker game): My dear, why didn’t you call Smith when you and he each had two sixes showing? Sue: I thought he might have another one in the hole. “LADY, CAN 1 BORROW YOUR CAT?" “porrow it! wHaT For?” “GOT WARTS AN’ I NERD A DEAD CAT To cure ’eM.” comicbooks.com