Life — March 31, 1921 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

r LIFE 2¢ is sailing ¢ Fountais refused wp ! aptain sayy from his have some y neck, bet person thar NS a String Tope! d Seton ight n mergencics cs Are enate, 1 walking. ecan crop, of an ir. an writer pment Smile and the World Smiles With You Critique My play’s on the knees of the gods, If it's not a success, what's the odds? Thus Quip. Did he really mean it? ‘Tis rather, 1 thought when I'd scen it, (On the knees of a number of goddesses Who dance in the briefest of bodices. —New York Sun. There’s the Bhoy for Yez — Terence: Will you be down to the MacSwiney Club tonight to hear Brother O'Toole speak on Home Rule? Michael: Sure and I will if I can sneak ost the back way without Maggie seein’ me. Ain't home rule a wonderful thing? —Williams Purple Cow, One Recipe for Success — All a man has to do to make a real success in life is to spend twenty-five or thirty years learn- ing to do some ‘simple thing better than anybody else can do it and then twenty- five or thirty more doing it every day, so as to give people a chance to find out about it—Ohio State Journal. Domestic Colloguy—“ We can't afford to Eve in this expensive flat.” “Well, what are we going to do? We n't afford to hire a moving van, cither.” —Washington Star. Trails End—Speaking of pathetic figures, what is more pitiful than the predicament of that Ithaca man who discovered that be had been corresponding with his own wife through a matrimonial bureau? —Buffalo Express. “YOU'RE AS BLACK AS A COAL MAN! NOBODY «a WOULD CARE TO GO NEAR You.” Muu! 1 Guess you LET THE COAL MAN KISS YoU, ALL RIGHT.” —Le Journal Amusant (Paris). MUNIPICENCE Her Galiant: come, MY DARLING, HURRY UP AND PICK ONE OUT. YOU KNOW THE PRICE OF 1T MEANS NOTHI e (Paris). Hinc Illae Lacrimae [The Daily Herald invites sympathy for the German miners, compelled to work seven shifts a week for 60 marks a day, to pay the French indemnity.] In Northern France the mines to-day Have been reduced to wrack; The Hun invaders saw to that "Ere they were driven back. Grieve not for France, though tears run down your cheek; But for the spoiler’s seven shifts a week. In Northern France the villages In piteous ruin lie; Such spite the Hun invaders wreaked When they were forced to fly. But if you weep, weep that the spoiler’s pay Is now no more than sixty marks a day. —London Morning Post. The Helpmate—An old gentleman was telling his wife how much he thought of her. “Here lately,” he said, “I seem to be in everybody's w except yours.” W. Howe's Monthly. Super-Shopping Pleasures—First Lady: It’s quite true that T spend all day at the stores. Second Lady: It must be your ruination. “T never buy anything. I am contented to look at the follies the others are com- mitting."—L’/Iustration (Paris). Traduttore, Traditore — Notice posted above an étage sink in an Italian hotel “Visitors is requested not to throw coffee or other matter down this basin. Why, else it stuffs the place inconvenient for the other world.”—Punch, Highly Educated—Man of the House: Felicia, in case my creditors come, put the parrot in the hall. Friend: You have a parrot? What does he say? “He says, ‘Come back next month. —Le Journal Amusant (Paris). Driven to It —“ But you told me you couldn't afford to buy a motor car?” “Something happened to me that made me desperate,” replied the timorous citizen. “A motorist who nearly ran over me shouted, ‘I'll get you next time!” —Birmingham Age-Herald The Riot Signal— Mother — (returning from shopping): Dorothy, what is the meaning of this crowd in front of the house? Dorothy: It’s all fault. We were playing house, and she hung a “ Flat- to-let” sign in the front window. —London Mail. The Edge of Husbandry—The Yokel (meditatively) : I'm going to sell the farm and put the money in the bank. When you've got a farm, the Lord does as he pleases with you, but he can’t touch the money.—Kasper (Stockholm) sister's “THE PUBLIC DORSN’T KNOW WHAT If WANTS. YIKST IT DEMANDS THE SURVIVAL OP THE FITTEST—THEN CAPITAL PUNISHMENTS —Simplicissimus (Munich), comicbooks.com