Life — March 31, 1921 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Note: The contributions on this page have been rejected. Rejection Page Why? The reader may judge for himself. There is a reason in each case, All this rejected material is paid for, and its publication here is not intended as any reflection upon the authors, among whom are some of Lire’s most valued contributors.) Is That So? Tue Way Ir Reatty Is I used to think | knew 1 knew But now, I must confess, The more | know | know I know I know I know the less. —Life. ‘OU know, thought you thought You thought you thought you thought, But now I think the more I think The more | think you ought. Ha! Ha! LOTHES make the man; lack of them the lady. at first I WIT: Do you believe in ghosts? Cmitr: Yes, when they walk Satur- day night. S prohibition goes on and on and on, there will be fewer of us able to beer up under it. Some Remarkable People N Manchester, N. H., there is a man who has never referred to his native state as “the Switzerland of America.” In Kansas City, Mo., there is a butcher who says, “I'll throw this in for the cat.” In Brooklyn there is a jolly good fellow who hasn't as yet explained that he doesn’t care anything about the booze, but it’s the principle of the thing. In South Dakota there is a chief of police who has never said, “ We haven't caught the criminal yet, but we have some substantial clues.” In Alabama there is a veteran of the World War who hasn't written a book about the war. In Dubuque, Towa, there is a laundryman who doesn’t put nineteen pins in every shirt that he sends back. In Seattle there is a barber who doesn't tell you that your scalp is in frightful shape. In Sandusky, Ohio, there is a woman who never asks you if it is hot enough for you In Nebraska there are two women who never fight over who's going to pay the street-car fare. Lyric for Grand Mad Scene (Recitativo ed Aria e Cadenza, from an unteritten Grand Opera.) AILER!, O° jai-lah-ah-ah-ah (trill) J 1am not mad. I am not mad-ah-ah-ah: (trill) I am only, I am on-lee-ee-ce-ce Slightlee-ec-ce Insanitary. (Orchestra: in-san-i-ta-ra-ra-ry-bump !) So release me, re-lee-ee-ee-smee-ee-ce. From these iron, these iron ba-ha-ha-ha: And place me, oh, pul-lace me-e-ee In the ca-hage with thy be-lah-ah-ah-ah-ved canary. (Orchestra imitates a canary with a cage around it.) Then I will sing to thou, then will T si-hing to thou Like the sweetest cow. the suh-weetest cow In thine wholedam Holstein dairy. (Orchestra indicates a dairy) La-ha-ha-hoo! and bell.) La-ha-ha-Moo! (Oboes and bassoons tenperamente.) Yes, I will sing in gladsome weathahs. As if I'd feasted on the feathehs. (Orchestra: feathers, feathers, (Echo effect with cowhorn moo feathers, Of thy divine canoury, Till thou doest shoot me, till shoo-hoo-hoot me, To put me out of, to put put put put put me out -ow-ow-tout Of my missouri, My missouriouriouri ah-ah-ah-AH! (Orchestra goes quite insane.) Rupert Hughes. thou doest Alta Boy! T ain't the man o° wealth that's gous help you; Don't tie your wagon to a millionaire It’s the guy that's almost down and et that’s with you; He's the guy who says, “Come, b make it ‘share.’” For the bird who lets you take hi And puts his own straw Kelly ‘neath bis coat, a silver-plated, der— He's the guy who's almost busted, plese take note. M*. M. U. NITIONS: Did the doer say you had an honest-to-God al ment? Mrs, M. U. Nitioxs: No. Diogenes my case. Ain't fourteen-carat wos He couldst All in the Spring GIRL bought a second-hand flivver, On advice that the doctor had git her; Said he, “ Now, the rides Will improve your insides, And the jolting will tone up your liver! Line’s Busy evidently “ Hello, DISON soon expects to be ging, Central, Give Me Heaven.” Joke du Jour “ OW do you like your lawn?” “A la mowed.” AM SQUIB notes a recent book attempts to tell “ What's in the Worker's Mind” and asks, “ Has he any?” Ris of revenue officers in Califoreit show that the land of sunshine ™y also be the land of moonshine. comicbooks.com