Life — March 10, 1921 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Note: The contributions on this page have been rejected. himself. There is a reason in each case. (ae IZA ai Rejection Page Why? The reader may judge for All this rejected material is paid for, and its publication here is not intended as any reflection upon the authors, among whom are some of Live's most valued contributors.) Ha! Hal! “Fo years I have kept three servants,” said Mrs. Hubbubs, boastfully, thing!” Mrs. “You — stingy retorted Subbubs. Squire Squabbles Says URING these. arid Shylock should get him on the hip be wouldn't yet much. if Columbus made fifteen-cent eggs stand on end, what could he do with dollar ones? Can a tonsil specialist be considered a tonsorial artist? He would have got into an advertising “ eye-catcher” contest, had it been an “ eye- opener” contest. times, if Revised Version H, the star-spangled banner, Thereafter it flew O’er the land of the free And the home of the brew. One Moment, Please! IVIL marriages in Holland cost less on some days than on others. For ex- ample, Monday marriages cost forty cents; but Saturday knots are tied at bargain prices—three and one-third cents per knot. in Holland cheaper than riding in the New York subway. Be- fore booking passage on the next boat for Holland, however, thrifty American couples ere advised to give a thought to Russia. They have an absolutely free marriage sys- tem there. Now, don’t that beat the Dutch ? The I and U Have It AID the pig to the pug, “I prefer to be a pig; but I would be a pug, if I were you.” This inakes marriage HE people who do the most kicking don’t always get there with both feet. To Our Friends EAR Reader :—Very humbly we Do crave ® bit of absolution, In case upon this page you see Your highly valued contribution. For, if in false, impotent rage Your brain-child you herit, Remember—this Rejection Page “Does not imply a lack of merit.” Ye Ep, would disin- Just from Lunnon tera + x - = = < $33 z a Te ae the te te ttt he = giees $eite FLERE $ESEHE aFeee gresg EEG? $FEE ee tf COPRER BEAT Aesee AA a?” petcee I'M just from Lunnon, cawn't you see? That's why the girls are stuck on me. They like me and me bally clothes— Me heyes, hears, shoes, mouth and nose! O, Hi'm a jolly Britisher, dawntcherknow— Talk about your Brummells, Hi'm some Bo! Mark Twain's Retort Note-—The following incident did not oc cur to either Mark Twain or Gilbert Cher Their names are simply used to make the anecdote sprightlier. ILBERT CHESTERTON once said to Mark Twain: “ Well, Mark, aiter all what is the difference between archeology terton, and algebra?” “Ha, ha, ha!” laughed Mark Twain. A QUEEN bee will lay as many as 3,000 eggs a day in the height of the season. The first scientist to cross a queen bee with a hen is a made man. And Now, Boys—All Together HERE are some things in life that make us smile, And others that make us weep; There are some things that keep us awake, And some that lull us to sleep. But there's one thing in life we can't do without ‘Tis valued all else above ; For it’s the thing that makes living worth while— What is that one thing? New York Style SS BOSTON. (doing the big town): My! What a large tonsorial parlor. Cyntcat New Yorxer> Sure, that's Ali Barber and his forty thieves. Why it’s love! Perversity HENEVER I look like the deuce And wear my oldest pair of shoes And coat and hat against the rain The sun comes shining out again. ISS SIMPERING: And is your charm- ing daughter convent-bred? Irate FatHer (in receipt of bills): No. college loaf! comicbooks.com