Life — March 3, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cruelty to Presidents Senator Sounder Would Reform Inaugural Hat-Tipping By GLUYAS WILLIAMS Special Correspondence. ASHINGTON, Feb. 28—It has al- ways seemed to me a serious blim- der that our Presidents should be made to undergo inauguration on the very first day of taking office. The general public has little idea of the mental and physical strain that the inauguree suf- fers, and I think it would be much more considerate to let him get hardened to the duties of the presidency before sub- jecting him to it. In fact, I proposed to Mr. Cannon of the Inauguration Committee that we postpone the celebra- tion until toward the middle of Mr. Harding’s term, but Uncle Joe smoked DISAGREED and said nothing, which is a way he has WITH ME when he does not approve. My contention, I maintain, is sound. To begin with, take the drive from the White House to the Capitol, a distance let us say roughly, of 117-34 miles. The average President could cover that distance without raising his hat more than once every three feet, or 2,640 times in the course of the drive. Now, a cold and unresponsive man—as those who don’t know Mr. Wil- son say he is—could probably get by with less than 2,000 hat- raisings, but such a well-known exponent of friendliness and good fellowship as Mr. Harding has a distinct responsibility. { feel that [ am not putting the figure too high when I say that if he does not take off his hat, and naturally put it on again, at least 5,000 times during the drive he will be considered a good IN N Ho SENATOR NELSON deal of a disappointment oe I have read in one of those instructive scientific journals wherein you see pictured inventions for taking off your necktie without the labor of untying it or for finding the keyhole after sampling your neighbor's hooch, that in taking off and putting on your hat you consume .5926 foot- pounds of energy. (I don’t fully under- stand the use of the word foot-pounds, since no one could rightfully be expected to perform the act with his foct; but I've no doubt the term is very scientific.) By a simple process of calculation I- find that before Mr. Harding has even reached the place of inauguration he will have con- sumed 2,963 foot-pounds of energy. It's all wrong—not my calculations, but the principle of the thing. I suggested to Senator Knute Nelson, of the Committee, that we let someone ride along with Mr. Harding and lift his hat for him, in order to prevent this waste of strength. This seemed to me a very ad- mirable thought. Senator Nelson dis- agreed. This drain on the inauguree’s strength is of more moment than at first appears. Contrary to the general impression, a President does not deliver his inaugural UNCLE JOE SMOKED AND SAID NOTHING. address with his voice, but with his hands, feet, knees and chest, and some noted speakers have effectively used the abdomen to drive home a particularly telling point. Of course he uses his voice too, but it is entirely incidental, designed only for the handful within hearing distance. The bulk of the ten or twenty thousand who will gather to watch the speech will have to depend entirely on the gestures to follow the discourse. Becoming scientific once more, I have estimated that to ex. { SUGGESTED THAT WE LET SOMEONE LIFT HIS HAT FoR HIM. press the thought “with love and understanding in our hearts we must hopefully take up the problems before us” (weight on left foot, right toe poised forward, left hand on heart, right hand raised lovingly, understandingly and hopefully) it requires 1.3287 foot-pounds of energy, or a total, for this thought alone, of 22308 in the course of Mr. Harding’s speech. Almost as great as the physical strain of making the speech is the mental strain. For inauguration day is moving day for Mr. Harding; and we all know what it is to move. With so many important things on his mind—whether he will have good light to shave by at the White House; whether the expressman has broken any of his golf clubs; whether the expressman has not broken the hand-painted memorial vase presented by the sewing circle of his native town—the need of fixing his atten- tion on the noble and inaugural thoughts of his speech must be simply an incredible strain. In short, I hope I have made it plain that if we don't do something to remedy this inauguration evil it will be nothing less than cruelty to Presidents, Senator Sounder. Her Opinion ILLIE WILLIS: What do they inean by the “vicious circle,” mamma? MamMa Wiiuis: The circle of those your papa knows, my dear. comicbooks.com