Life — February 24, 1921 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OOLISH A Narrow Squeak Two gentlemen riding on a train were both very much intoxicated. First Gent: What time is it? Srcoxp Gent (after extracting a match- box from his pocket with much exertion and gazing at it intently): Thursday. First Gext: My God! I've got to get off bere.—Everybody’s. Words Fail First Frenctt Genteman (ina café): What! You let an American tourist kiss your wife and not say a word? Seconp Ditto: What do you want me to say? I can’t speak English. —American Legion Weekly. Fully Qualified It is related in the biography of Sir Her- bert Beerbohm Tree (Dutton) that a lady seeking a theatrical engagement once wrote to him: “I have played Venus in living statuary and am a total abstainer.” “All Right, Then— I'll Go To Hell!” “Tt was awtal thoughts and. awful Said aed T let them Say ead ft had felt good to ‘all washed clean of Sin 'and to be atle to pray—but Hock couldn't tel! on Oid fim no matter how sure t Wodid ake bim of going to Heaven. “Jim out of slavery, Be wouldwand il he could thik tp aay: thing worse, he'd do that too. As long a: he was going to bell ar yway, he might as well make ft worth while, ‘Who ever knew the heart of a boy as does MARK TWAIN 12 Volumes at a Low Price REX BEACH—S Volumes—FREE! Rex Beach is the most popular writer of thiting ‘tories living today. He lathe man bo knows, a8 no other, the big outdoors Thats the Nlond ke Plenty of bumor—plenty of scrapping— big, rawboned men who can whip their weight In wildcats—the women U Gabe for and die fi in Rex Beach's viv Only a Few Sets Free Rex Beach now costs you $2.00 for exch ‘books—absolutely tree. Rex Beach bas sacrificed much of his royalty ‘0 that we can do thi Est. 1817 HARPER & BROS, New York ee SS a SS DD Oe oe HARPER & BROTHERS, 37 Franklin Square, New York. Send me, all charges prepaid, a set of Mark Twain in 12 vol- I, bound te hat stamped In wal t your expense, otherwise I will sad you $1.9 wihia S days and §2.60's wowth for Ie oath Name... ADDRESS. 00... Occuration. Live 2.2621 After Bret Harte (Lee Hings, arrested as a shoplifter, had long pockets in his trousers con: taining fifteen pairs of gloves and four combs. The Chinaman almost rivalled with his device the skirt pockets of the lady shoplifters—News Jtem.) Which I wish to remark, And my language is plain That for ways that are dark And for tricks that are vain The Heathen Chinee is pecul Which the same I would rise to explain. He can beat as a cook Any woman in sight; If for scrubbing you look, He can do it all right; He discounts the white washerwoman And he works like a slave day and night. So with amplified blouse Independent of shirts, And a voiee like a mouse, With no eloquence-spurts, He's skilled as a dandy shoplifter, With loose trousers as useful as skirts Lee Hings was the name Of the guy at the bar, He was gentle and tame, As all geniuses are; And caught by a lady detective He was calm as no other thieves are. Which I wish to remark, That in fondness for gain, This Chink shoplifting shark In the tricks that are vain, Proves Chinamen still are peculiar, Which the same I am free to main- tain—J. A., in Brooklyn Eagle. Feminine Intuition Wire: Promise me that you won't marry again if I should die? Husaano: — Willingly! “Wretch! Do you mean you haven't been happy with me?” —Fliegende Blatter (Munich). One Difficulty “Yes, sir! I believe in America for the Americans!” “Ah! But first catch your Americans.” —New York Sun. A Street Car Drizzle Sue (getting ready for theatre): raining? 2: Not a taxi rain—Boston Transcript. Is it THEY ESCAPE NOBODY “er. Bro BoMBo?” “NCT IN JUST NOW. HE'S GONE TO te Movins.”—Le Journal Amusant (Paris). Spir Then It’s Genuine Unless you see the name “Bayer” on tablets, you are not getting gen- uine Aspirin prescribed by physi- cians for 21 years and proved safe by millions. Always say “Bayer.” Aspirin is the trade mark of Bayer Mane facture of Monoaceticacidester of Salicylicacid, Rouge et Noir Dinah, a dusky belle, had purchased a new hat. She asked her friend Mandy what she thought of it. Manoy: I think it's a lovely conskeption but it doesn’t suit yo’! Dinan: What's the reason it don't suit me? Manpy: opinion, I French! Well, if yo’ wants my honest think it makes yo’ look too —Tit-Bits, Recentty a sailor's life was saved by the fact that eight pennies, which he had in bis pocketbook, deflected the bullet. Five for saving his life, we presume, and three for the luxury tax.—Columbia (S. C.) State. THIS “CUNNIN" POWDER PUFF only QSe. No. 21. Hand embroldered yoke of batiste, $1.00. For mat China, Glassware, Furniture, Meerschass aces, Tipping Billiard Cues US Major's Rubber and Lgater Cements: All good tdealers. MAJOR MFO. CO.. N.Y. C. Extobtished 1876 comicbooks.com