Life, 1921-02-24 · page 11 of 32
Life — February 24, 1921 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks President Warren G. Harding's inauguration preparations. The "imaginary poem" presents a dream where Harding encounters various political figures including Hon. Warring G. Harding, Hon. Herb. Hoover, and a "Blue Ghost" (likely representing Woodrow Wilson). The satire targets Republican anxieties about cost—brass bands, fireworks, and expenses for the inauguration. It ridicules the GOP's complaints about Democratic spending while planning their own costly celebration. The poem pokes fun at Harding's vague policies ("normalcy") and features comic dialogue where figures debate the League of Nations and financial matters, highlighting the era's political tensions and the new administration's uncertain direction.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
February 24 Letters of a Japanese Schoolboy The President’s Dream By Wallace Irwin 10 Editor “Lire Newspaper” who keep America from get- ting histerickle by teaching them how to laugh, Dearest Sir :— Inaguration Day are approaching with rapid haste. On that sanctimonious date America will have a new Mikado and Wash., D. C., will stop being safe for Democracy. 80$ will be squandered, regardluss of expenditure, to crown Hon. Warring G. Harding with almost royal pump and grandeur. To pay for this imperial display American people will be taxed, as usual. At special requesh of Hon. Warring G. Harding there will be no dancing, flowers, militia or other fireworks. Economy everywhere. Presidential banquit will be served by Hon. Herb. Hoover. There will be no band (either brass or any other metal) because Hon. Saml. Gumpers refuse to permit 11$ union terumbones to play cut-rate tunes for a Republican ad- ministration. Yet it seem unnatural and diseased, Mr. Editor, for em- perors tu be crowned without some music, If that Republican administration cannot afford high cost of brass music, why not some word-music? (I am referring to poetry.) I told this umportant thought to my Cousin Nogi last Thusdy, and he report with Amie Lowell expression, “If Republicans are so alarmed about high cost of Presi- dents, maybe they would adore some Free Verse to sing for Inaguration Day.” When I hear this brite snuggestion I got unspired like Shakspeare and wrote following bursted sonnet which could be sung by Hon. Champ Clark or some other famus solo. IMAGINARY POEM. Written on a Weeja Board by a Japanese Schoolboy who was trying to talk to a few dead Jugo-Slavs. Hoochi-weari. Ding & dong! Hon. Clock ot Washington, D. C., (Pennsylvania RR_ time) Stroked the hour of 11.46 p. m., Mch 3rd, 1921. Hon. Warring G. Harding Are setting among his Cabinet, Pretending to look satisfied. “So-ho O well!” Gawp Hon. President (elected), Opening his mouth with tired sleepy, “I will go bed now, For tomorrow I must put on my new silk-pipe hat, Make official oaths And take over management of U. S. vod night, Cabinet. If et set up till 12 (midnight) aoe Blue Lawyers will accuse me of leading Evi Hon. Henry Crabbit Lodge Meet him outside door | with happy smiling. “Tomorrow,” he say, “you shall be President Of Our Ideal Republic With my assistance. Therefore I bid you Sleep tight.” “How could 1?” require Hon. Harding, “With Hon. Volstead watching me?” Therefore Hon. Harding March to his Sleep Room Where he disband himself of his suspenders And put on his nightrobe of office. py bed! He fold himself among sheets, blow out gas and commence thinking. “There is something comfortable,” He decry gleely, “About being Pres. of U. S. Yet Hon. Woodrow maue so much alarm about it He antagonized. He theorized. He tyrranized. But I am such a refreshed difference! I am a Simple Fellow— Am I not? My mind is open like a garage. I will listen to any man, regardluss of party, So long as he is a Republican Outgoing Administration had Fourteen (14) Points; I have but one (1). With that One Point I shall create harmony Like Walter Damrosch ; I shall sew both sides together in mutual love; Nobody shall dishagree with me. And I shall Sishagree. with nobody. Because of my One Point— NORMALCY.” With those happy thinking Hon. and start sleeping. But could not do so. What is that atmosphere which smell so gassly Like a box of cigarettes sent from Kansas? Hon. Harding feel a startle, he look— O Horrus! ! ! A Blue Ghost set there, hooked to his feet, gazing at him with questionaire expression peculiar to Mark Sullivan. “ Hon. Warring G. Harding, President of America!” “ Here!” quoted Hon. Warring with roll-call voice. “Now that you have obtained this U. S. what are you going to do with it?” Require Hon. Blue Ghost "From what Congressional Dist. do you arrive?” Hon. Presi- dent-elected ask to know. “ Heaven,” snuggest Blue Ghost. “Senator Penrose attending to that Dept,” Report Hon. Harding peevly. “Question No. 1,” corrode Blue Ghost, “What will you do with the League of Nations?” “Stay out,” " decry Hon. Harding. “Umpossible,” dib Ghost. “Then stay in,” collapse Harding. “Umpossible!” holla Ghost. “But I have already lynched the League,” explan newly presi- dential gentleman. “If it have refused to die it are the fault of Woodrow Wilson & other secret diplomacy. Eu- rope, Asia and Africa cordially invited to visit me at World Court.” “Too busy with League, thank you,” snuggest Blue Spectrum. “But since you are disabled to answer that, Tell me, if convenient, how will you arouse sufficient Money To pay Natonal Det other high costs? “I shall blame Democratic administration for that,” Report Hon. Harding, “Then I shall raise Sir Tax on Incums.” (Continued on next page.) Harding pull up mattrass Soldier Bone Us, Liberty Bonds and comicbooks.com