Life — February 10, 1921 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~LIFE- LOCAL GossIP A CURTIS gut the walkin’ tol’abul good for a spell, with thet snow plough of hisn. Folks cud zit round fust rate; an’ there want nobuddy paid Al a cent. It wuz on ercount of his shinin’ up to Miss Speck, the new schoolma’am. Al gut up the fust mornin’ after the storm and hed a path fer ber to the schoolhouse afore nine o'clock an’ then when he wuz aimin’ to confab a leetle, she ‘lowed she'd hev to go to the Pust Office, so Al ploughed a path down there for her and then she sed she wanted to call on Lettie Tuttle after school, so he ploughed her up there, ant thet pretty much opened up the hull o Main Street Folks wuz writin’ her invitations all last weck, and every place she went she let Al plough her a path. She wuz as tickled as a cat's ear s all over though! There wuz a heavy fall Sat'tiddy night, but Al didn’t show up, so nobuddy much could git to the Meetin’ House. They spoke to Miss Speck about it, thinkin’t she'd throwed him over; kin’ uv her fer the sake uv all hands to re-corn-sider. leastways till spring. Then she told ‘em thet her and Al wuz promised and that thar wan't goin’ to be no more free ploughin’, She sez Al's gut to plough up enough to keep a wife now. Wall, t'was good goin’ while it lasted. Mister Man- ning, the Parson, sez Cupid hez sold out to cupidity. (To be continued in our next) A Word to the Wise EVENUE officers would do well to consider the latent sig- nificance of the “yeast cake for health” movement. As a splendid tonic for man, woman and child, the yeast cake is be- ing introduced into the home before every meal. A normal sup- ply of yeast cakes for the average family probably contains as many suggestions and temptations for amateur chemical exper imentation as the cakes contain vitamines. The result is ob- vious. Let this be looked into and legislated against at once. MARRIED man has a hard time of it; but consider the poor bachelor who never knows where the next kiss is coming from. People You Can Get Along Without i would be a piece of literary impudence on our part to at tempt to emulate one who ‘in his own field possesses the su- preme advantage of making actual pictures of those chara in our modern life who might easily be dispensed with—such as the Herculean gentleman in the coming number who shakes hands with such misplaced energy. And yet a certain—and doubtless deplorable—immodesty incites us to refer to those inconsiderates, among others, who appear to make it their habit- ual business to come late to the theatre. We believe those offenders are in greater evidence in the cities than in the small towns, where “ folks” are more or less intimate with one another and more regardful of their neigh- bors. In New York the offense is rank and smells to heaven. If we may judge from appearances, most of the people who visit Ni York from other parts of the country are in their seats at the play in ample time. It remains for the New Yorkers themselves who have dined late to assume that they have the sacrosanct privilege of straggling in when they please, stumbling over perfectly good spectators in the k without the slightest regard for anybody. Even in Germany they sternly forbid this sort of thing. If New Yorkers are so feebly mannered as to be unable to set an example to the rest of the coui the theatrical managers should have courage cnough to insist that those who do not arrive until after the curtain rises be made to stand outside until the first act is over. We have removed the ladies’ hats—why not make short work of the latecomer ? Then there is the cheeky person who instructs his scerctary to call you over the telephone and to be sure that you are on the wire yourself before he leisurely condescends to talk to you bout something which quite likely is a matter that concerns him more than it does you. We submit to this sort of thing be- cause, being Americans, we are disciplined to submit to almost everything and because many of us are too busy or too timid to risk the charge of being churlish. There is something to be said for the clean-cut bore, becy his method is so simple and invariable that it is possible to take defensive measures against him in advan But how about the speaker at the banquet who usually comes between the others and who—in spite of the discreet warnings of the committee in charge--runs on and on forever and forever, wholly unmindful of the sporting principle that when you have your victim com- pletely at a disadvantage, you are in duty bound to restore to him his chance of life? Off on the Wrong Foot TH wicked garage-keeper was trying to figure out his in- come tax. “If a man brings his car to me to be repaired, and it costs me sixty cents, and I charge him sixteen dollars, what per cent. profit would I be making?” he demanded of his son and heir. “I'm sure I don't know, pop,” answered that young hopeful “You'll have to get somebody who knows the rules of grand larceny to tell you that. The rules for percentage wouldn't cover it!” Compensation ROSPECTIVE TENANT (ixspecting apartment): It's all very nice, I'm sure, but I couldn't think of taking a place with a northern exposure. No sun, you know. Lanptorv: Ah, madam, but think of the aurora borealis! comicbooks.com