Life — February 3, 1921 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRONOLOGICAL “1 HAVE NEVER MET ANY GIRL I LOVED AS MUCH AS I DO YOU,” “BUT YOU WILL.” The Amorous Eel Biologists have revealed, after care- ful research, the astounding fact that eels from all parts of Europe and North America swim to the deep waters off Bermuda for the mating season every spring—News Item. [ MUST acknowledge that I feet Profound compassion for the eel. He dwells in depths of clammy mud, Nor gives a thought to her Till springtime comes to warm his blood— And sap begins to stir. His dreams then stray to balmy isles Where slender sirens wait, And so he swims three thousand miles To find himself a mate. Now, eels (I'm told) have somewhat less Morality than worms, And I condemn their waywardness In no uncertain terms; But when I see the violet Enshrined in springtime’s glory, My thoughts are also apt to get A trifle migratory. And that is why I say I feet Such deep compassion for the eel. Robert E. Sherwood. Fitz (The Beginning of Almost Any Popular Serial) HE was looking for adventure. So was he. She strolled into the Fitz. So did he. A Mrs. Gay was being paged. That was her name. How strange! She in- formed the page of this fact, and fol- lowed him into one of the smaller recep- tion rooms, where he awaited her— “Mr. Treat, I believe?” she challenged. “As you say, Mrs. Gay, Mr. Treat!” “ Really, Mr. Treat,” she gushed, “1 was almost afrzid to speak to you; you have changed so much since our meeting in Paris. I trust you have fully recovered from your shell-shock?” “ Quite fully, from the shell-shock, Mrs. Gay, but never from the effects of our meeting. That,” he added gallantly, “has left an ineffaccable scar.” “How romantic!” she beamed. “ But, seriously, Mr. Treat, would you have known me if I had not spoken to you?” “I would have known you anywhere,” he said with a quizzical smile. “ Shall we dine here or go over to the Giltmore?” (—— to be ——) Education Keeps Abreast One of the large universities will give courses in the art of the moving picture. —News Item. HE college catalogue of the future should contain some paragraphs like this: . DerartTMeNnt oF CINEMATOMY. Vamping I. An elementary course, be- ginning with plain luring for two-reel pictures and leading up to leopard’s skin stuff for features. Vamping II. For senior Parents’ permission required. must consult dean. Compelling. For men. Elementary cave work; parlor and country club super- manning. Training for North’ Woods and God's Country parts. Manners, Elective course; not re- quired for graduation. Punning. Complete writing sub-titles. Making and Projecting Custard Pies. Required. Lectures and laboratory work. Fees for material. Take Your Place at the Head EACHER: Johnny, what is ity? Johnny: Velocity’s what a fellow lets go of a bee with. girls only. Applicants preparation for veloc- comicbooks.com