Life — January 13, 1921 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LOCAL GOSSIP Calvin Sampson gut himself inter a bad fix. He wanted to git Susy Goldbrook to marry him sost he wouldn't hev to pay her wages for doin’ his housework, but Ol’ Cal wuz so dum-fired mean he didn’t: want to use up none uv her time a-courtin’ whilst he wuz a payin’ uv her; howsomever, he done it. He up an’ ast her to be his‘n, an’ then he wuz in a stew fer sartin’ cuz she wouldn't say no and she wouldn't say yes, an’ Cal couldn't make no complaints when things gut slack round the house and he hed to keep on takin’ her to the movies an’ sech-like. Wall, fin'ly the quarterly pay day come and she drawed her money an’ a young man come and druv her off. OV Cal hes been so ugly ever sense thet tain’t been no ways safe to go a-nigh the place. (To be continued in our next) A la Baker VERY conscientious objector is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. FE Psycho-Analysis of a Man Growing Bald SP uERE comes a day when the man in his thirties, as he combs his hair before the double mirrors in the bathroom, is jarred out of his complacent attitude toward life by noticing a suspicious thinness of the hair on the crown of his head. He catches a fleeting glimpse of scalp, and raises his hand nervously to investigate. It has come, the first evidence of baldness. He feels the coolness of his hand on his previously hair-protected scalp. From this day on he knows moments when he feels that senility,is rushing upon him. From this day on he watches, daily, his progress toward baldness. His depression: is in- creased when, on his next visit to the barber, that individual, with his eye on the tonic bottle, remarks with studied indif- ference that “the hair is getting a little thin.” Bill-boards from now on speak with a new eloquence when they mention hair restorers and dilate on the virtues of tonics and pomades. These intrigue his interest until, with a little sickening depression, he recalls the old, old joke about the bald barber who recommended his hair-growing tonic. He looks for no help from these. He settles into alternate attitudes of premature agedness and studied efforts to convince himself that, after all, he will have reached middle age before the absence of hair will be noticeable. He tries to remember all his acquaintances who, despite baldness, managed to maintain their status in society. He becomes less eager to remove his hat in public on hot days. He spends more time before the double mirrors in the morn- ings and lingers over his ablutions while he notes the thinning of his hair. In sanguine moments he becomes half-convinced that his alarm is caused by a new twist.to a cowlick. This theory he dismisses the next morning when he feels upon his scalp the coolness of his hand. A week later he becomes stoi- cally cognizant of the inescapable fact that his hair is vanishing A month later the spot of visible scalp is as big as a quarter~ ten months later as big as a half-dollar—a few months latet as big as a silver dollar—a year and a half later as big as a saucer—three years later as big as a small plate—five years later there is a fringe of hair behind his ears—ten years later and it has been years since he has used a comb. The man is bald! THE mortality of Pullmans is now exceeded by the berth rate. bs oye 's the matter, kid?” st_me penny in the a bt —Boo! Hoo “Never mind! I'll help ya find it. Hey, fellers! c'mon over an’ help me find somethin’ !” “ Poor kid 1 bis cent.” T hope we find “Oh, look! I found me cent in me pocket.” comicbooks.com