Life — January 6, 1921 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sans Peur et Sans Reproche What Wight Have Happened If Knights Had Indulged in Litigation. (Scene: Highroad, Riding in opposite directions, two doughty knights, Sir Ronald and Sir Geoffrey, accost each other.) ONALD: Halt! form you that my lady is the most beautiful and wonder- ful lady in the world, Grorrrey: Ha! Fool! My lady is the most wonderful and beautiful. Ronxatp: Sirrah, in honor of my lady I am prepared to do mortal combat. Grorrrey (haughtily): And I for mine. Shall we joust? Rona: Er—it's a rather warm day— Grorrr Er—yes, I was just thinking the same thing. By the way, who is your lady? Rona Iseult du Dent d'Or, She is the most perfect— Grorrrey: Oh, come now—her feet are atrocious. They cannot compare with those of Lady Blanche—my Lady Blanche. Ronatp: Sirrah, I commend to you the fact that I have a record of seventeen consecutive victories. Georrrey: Well, I can’t concede the feet—though I will say Iseult has lovely eyes—lovely! Ronatp: Pass the feet, then. And she has the most beauti- Sir Knight, I give you greeting and in- ful arms— Georrrey (excitedly): What! Her arms can’t compare with Blanche'’s. I'll fight before I admit that. (Sig- nificantly.) I have a new lance. Ronato (aside): If I wasn’t riding my third-string horse— (Aloud.) All right, hang it! Waive the arms. But see here, you'll admit she has the most wonderful teeth, ears, smile, nose, figure, disposition and voice— Grorrrey: I'll admit nothing. Her hair is dyed. And I can prove that she kicks her page boys downstairs every morning before breakfast Ronatp (aside): This lad is a difficult: proposition—he seems to be well acquainted with Iseult. (4loud.) Concede, villain—or I fight! No, sir! Grorrrey (aside): If my luck wasn't so wretched of late— (Aloud.) 1 won't concede—but you notice that I didn’t say a word about her teeth, nose, ears or smile. However, anybody can tell you that her voice would distemper a Damascus blade. Ronatp: You lie! But you've been rather decent withal Grant me her figure is more graceful than your Lady Blanche’s Grorrrey: Neve Ronatp: All right. Grorrre Put up your visor, and I’ll have at you. Is that your ultimatum? Ronatp: My absolute and final stand. Grorrrey: Well, I'll think it over. (He turns aside and produces a lucky piece. Muttering, “Heads, 1 tails, / lose,” he spins it.) Drat the luck! I grant you her figure. Ronawp (aside): Thank Heaven! It’s really too hot to fight. (Aloud.) You agree, then, that Iseult du Dent d’Or has the most wonderful eyes, teeth, nose and smile in the world, and that her figure outravishes that of the Milesian Venus? Georrrey: I do—provided that you believe the hair of Lady Blanche to be more golden than the sun, her arms more grace- ful than white swans, her feet the quintessence of charm, her voice the music of the spheres, and that her disposition is conceivable. Ronatp: So be it. I have satisfied the honor of Iseult du Dent d’Or. Will you dismount and make yourself comfortable? Grorrrey: Now that I have proven Lady Blanche to be without a peeress, I don’t mind if I do. (They dismount and put themselves at their ease.) Ronatp (affably) : knight. Georrrry (generously): Not a whit shrewder than you are, Sir Ronald, Sir Geoffrey, you're a right shrewd Blanche Tseult really looks like, I came out very well—very well indeed. Curtain. Heury William Hanemann, Born Knicuts (aside): Considering what & An Attachment T first it seemed a bubble at the merest word might prick, But behold, I'm deep in trouble Till my mind is fairly sick I am served with an attachment, One that’s strong, upon my heart, And can find no legal match meant To elude the plaintiff’s art. I have studied Kent and Chitty, Later writers not a few, But discover (more’s the pity!) That I know not what to do, I have pored o’er musty pages For sound arguments to rout My opponent’s learned sages, But there’s naught to help me out. Now I have a shrewd suspicion, Since the plaintiff's eyes are blue, I should file a full petition For a strong attachment, too; Call one who in tilt and tourney Has both cleverness and grace, For with Cupid as attorney We might compromise the case! Clinton Scollard. A comicbooks.com