Life — December 23, 1920 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fore! “There's a train at 4:04,” said Miss Jenny “Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?” Said the man at the door, “Not four for 4:04. For four for 4:04 is too many.” —California Pelican. An International Contest The London Morni Post tells the lowing story of the essay about the elephant A prize was to be given for an essay on the elephant. the contestants being an Eng lishman, a Frenchman and an Italian. The went to study the elephant in the Frenchman visited the Jardin yue and wrote an essay on “ L’élé- et lamour the Italian sat The Elephant in Rela- down phant and wrote one on “ tion to the Adriatic Question.” a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE The Cue Bre Max ix Avotexce (turning round): Can't you see anything? Lirtie Maw (pathetically) : streak of the stage. Bic Maw (sarcastically) : tell you what to do me and laugh when I do. —Pearson's Weekly (London) Can't see a Why, then I'll You keep your eye on Geographical Hostess (es the dancing begins): My dears, I beg you to be a little more decorous. This is not the seashore! —Le Journal Amusant (Paris). “Paw, what is an advertisement?” “An advertisement is the picture of a pretty girl eating, wearing, holding or driv ing something that somebody wants to sell.” Nashville Tennessean The BILT MORE Where the social life of New York centers by day and evening CLOSE ‘TO ALL THEATRES AND SHOPS Herbert teyton London Repulse siz Also packed in half pound and pound tins Smoking Mixture | Theres somethin, about it you'll like At your Dealers or Sample on request ~ Falk SoCace U.SIne. rreo Broadway New York Sanguinary The barbers’ college yell, as quoted by one who heard the amateur wielders of the comb and blade utter it, is “Cut his lip, Gash his jaw; ve his fa Raw! Raw! Raw!" —New York Sun, The Elusive Barrie Kipling is a bit of a problem for the inter but he 1 with Barrie, A la¢ ca has been trying Barrie, but directly friends to help her about something famous 1 viewer, is an easy one compared journalist from hard to get asked they One meri hold of to his talk she any to wanted of wed her to interview else, our elists a himself, but when she appealed for a note of introduction to his old friend, Barrie he turned the other ear. “My dear madam,” said he, arric would never forgive me. I daren't do Nobody dare. Your only chance is to go to his flat, crouch down outside his door, and make a noise like a lost child. Presently he will be moved to look out, then if you're quick you might get hold of him.” —London Opinion. Admitted It is related that when Judge Benjamin Toppan of Ohio, who died in the early applied for admission to the bar of that s! he was asked just two questions. “ Mr. Top pan, what is law?” was the first of these. “An unjust distribution of justice,” re plied the applicant, “What is equity?” was the second “A damned imposition upon common sense He was received into the brotherhood with open arms.—New York Evening Post. Auld Acquaintance Sentimentat Samiti: Old friends are the best friends, are they not? Harniet Hanprax: They are not. ‘They have an unerring memory for your age and your family secrets, and they tell ‘em —Detroit 3 “YOU'VE BEEN PECKING SOME ONIONS, JON WiENKY KOOSTER! VOU CAN GO RIGHT OUTSIDE AND kooST YOR THE NIGHT” 1 ALL. DUNITILL PIPES BEAR THE ROUND WILITE SPOT AND AKE STAMPED. NN, n LONDON M.M. Importing Co. 6 East 45th St. Y. SOLE AGENTS IN THE U. S. TELL _TOMORROW’S Neus the weather’ 8'to 1 Weather Massie soveane.” fore toy bet a leataty_ comma veranisg, An Ideal Xmas Gift Made doubly interesting. by the little 2 be comicbooks.com