Life — December 9, 1920 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1084 Suggestions for Next Summer O much trouble was caused last summer by discrepancies between railroad time and the various times of towns through which the roads ran that it is suggested, to avoid thi: that time-tables be printed to conform with the local requisites as to how clocks shall run. For example: ALM. HICKVILLE 15. (Hickville time) Cob Centre. 30° (Eastern time) Clam Cove. 7.45 (Daylight saving time) Mudtown 6 00 or 7 OL (Depending on action of town council) Punkville ....... “7 30¢ Sand Harbor...Arr. 8 O0t (State time) * Pending decision in state supreme court. + Sunday time one hour later. t Time being voted on at next election. All times subject to change without notice by legislature. Passengers are advised to consult the porter every fifteen minutes to reset their watches. A stopwatch will be kept for the purpose. Solicitous CONSCIENTIOUS girl approached one of the older suf- frage leaders at the late election. “Tam so anxious to do the right thing—do you think I ought to vote for the firemen to get their two platoons?” “Oh, yes, my dear; I think it is only right, with the cold weather coming along, that those firemen should be supplied with at least two pairs.” OH, DOCTOR, 1 CAN'T STAND THESE NORTHERN WINTERS.” “THEN GO SOUTH. “WHY, DOCTOR, 1 CAN'T TRAVEL, 1 GET TRAIN SICK AND SEA SICK.” “LIFE. This Bubble World HE American dollar has established another new record on the Paris Exchange. Whenever the dollar does anything nowadays it’s always miles from home. eee With two students murdered and another convicted of murder during the past year, Dartmouth College maintains its reputa- tion as the best-advertised institution of learning in the United States. eae Mayor John F, Hylan, of New York City, has been disposing of literature and waxing epigrammatical. When some unfortunate citizen meckly protested because the Board of Estimate was deducting twenty thousand dollars from the annual appropriation to the New York Public Library, Hizzoner silenced the intruder by remarking: “You can't eat books and the like of that, you know.” As usual, Hizzoner hits the bull's-eye on the head, so to speak, Oscar Wilde himself could not have summed up the situation so briefly, so wittily, or so completely. owe A Card of Thanks: “Own Your Own Home” movement would like the landlords of America to know that their quite disinterested and persistent efforts in behalf of this movement are deeply appreciated. The promoters and supporters of the eee The skeleton of a man, said to be over two hundred thousand years old, has been unearthed by Professor H. Harbour of the University of Nebraska, and we now expect to read inter- views with the hoary veteran stating that he attributes his un- usually long life to the fact that he has never touched alcohol or nicotine in any form, has never been to the theatre, and has always voted the Democratic ticket straight. one One of the employees of the rapid transit company in Akron, O., has become an evangelist, and is holding revival meetings in the car barns. When he takes up the collection, he doubt- less has difficulty in overcoming the tendency to say, “ Fares, please.” one A ticket speculator was recently held up outside of his office in New York and robbed of ten thousand dollars in ticket- speculating cash. Well—this is certainly an age of acute com- petition, Just as the girls begin wearing ’em that way, the days get shorter too. eee Now that the lid has been lifted from the solid South, if someone would only shear the wool from the woolly West and knock the feet from under the effete East, we might have a united country after all What Kansas Knows “RUT—oh, I say now, what else could Lloyd George have done about the coal strike?” “Cabled for Governor Allen of Kansas.” comicbooks.com