Life — November 25, 1920 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE How We Saved Our Little Home HEN our landlord raised our rent for the fifteenth time we were in a dreadful quandary, for my husband's earning capacity had long ceased to keep pace with the H. C. of L. After pondering gloomily for a month or two, I sprang from my chair with a whoop of joy. “What is it now, dearest?” asked my faithful Algernon patiently. “Leave it all to me, darling, and all will yet be well,” I gaily assured him. “T have found the way out of all our difficulties.” The next morning I wrote a play, which was at once accepted, and with my advance We had no difficulty in finding a ready market for all the pearls that we could raise. When it is considered that on Man- hattan Island alone there are three million two hundred and forty-seven thousand five hundred and_ sixty-eight stenog- raphers, each of whom buys at least three strings of pearls a year, it will be readily seen that the utmost efforts of our oysters could barely supply the local demand. It was never necessary for us to consider the out-of-town trade. Twice a week Algernon, a fresh white apron over his dainty overcoat, fills a large basket with pearls, and takes his stand at the corner of Fifth Avenue and royalties I bought a dozen raw oysters, which I pastured in our agate dishpan, feeding them from time to time on oyster crackers, which ey greedily devoured The intelligent crea- tures soon learned to know my voice, and it was a pretty sight to see them crowd- ing to the edge of the dishpan, as soon as they were sum- moned to a meal. In a few months they had increased to a dozen large orders, outgrowing the dish- pan, so that we were obliged to transfer them to the bathtub, keeping the dishpan in use, however, as nursery for their tiny, fluffy cubs, As the dishpan could no longer be used for washing dishes we were obliged to take our meals at restaurants, and Algernon was in- SHE WOULD LEAD HER OWN LIFE Rebellious young Annabelle Fyfe Swore she'd be nobody's wife. : She cut off her hair, bias And wore her knees bare, And occasionally ate with her knife. Forty-secoid at the noon lunch- hour. It is needless to say that all the leading Street, jewelers of the neighborhood ap- preciate the tunity to oppor- purchase absolutely fresh, new- laid pearls. Our rent has been raised again, but we are not disturbed, as by the help of honesty, perseverance and the industry of our faith- ful oysters we are always able to keep a lap and a_ half ahead of the land- lord. I append a copy of our little budget: One doz. raw oysters.$ TAMER “HOWTCOMCRY FLAGE Three pounds oyster crack- Advance on play clined to grumble at the expense, but I could always soothe him by pointing out that we would soon be making enormeus profits by the sale of our pearls, I shall never forget the morning when we were awakened by a faint cackling, and shoving a fat oyster off her nest, beheld our first pearl. Many and many a pearl have we found since in the cosy little nests in the bathtub, but none that looked so rosily lustrous. Since giving up the bathtub to the oysters, we were living in a Turkish hath establishment, whence we hastened every morn- ing to feed our hungry little flock and collect our pearls. The herd had now so greatly increased that we needed a second bathtub. The apartment overhead was already tenanted, but a few sticks of dynamite soon remedied that, and half of our stock of oysters was transferred to the new quarters. Rent of second pearl Algernon's basket ‘ Algernon’s aprons (six). Masses ‘i Dentist (extra service, owing to personal tests of pearls) 6,000. 304.00 Net profits . . $17,000,000.00 We have found raw oysters more satisfactory for our purpose With a portion of our profits we have purchased a second home, and we are now busily engaged in trying out a method of saving that. Chrysanthemum R, Addicks comicbooks