Life — October 28, 1920 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

_ AUT SCISSORS fo AvT NULLus Insults Unavenged The bucolic one had been asked his opin- ion of scarecrows, “No good at all,” he grunted—“ least- ways, against the crows in this district! Only last year we put up what we thought was a fine scarecrow—a man pointing a gun.” Well, what happened?” “Why, all the crows in the world seemed to be feeding in that field, and whilst one crow perched on the gun and worked the trigger, another was falling down, pretend- ing to be shot."—Answers (London). In an Art Gallery “He calls it a ‘ Portrait of a Lady.’ “He's alone in his belief. The artists say it's no portrait and the women say she’s no lady.”—Louisville Courier-Journal. America is a country in which high wages merely accentuate the fact that most people “ WeLLo!—caTSKILL OPERATOR? THIS 1S RIP are broke.—New York Sun, VAN WINKLE—AND I'M STILL WAITING” Miss Heming Miss Heming was undoubtedly the best Stenographer in Washington. She dressed In serge and sheer white muslin; spent the day In typing, not complaining of her pay; Never gave way to cross or sulky Never wrote “there” for “their,” or “it's” for “ its.” Her copy was a dream; she'd always fix Her day’s job up, though kept till half-past six. She had one fault, however: she would write “the Adjutant General,” in the world’s despite— Not capital T-h-e, in proper form! The A. G. O. grew restive; came a storm; Our colonel, ‘neath the term of “ negligen Smarting, discharged Miss Heming. Off she went, "Mid the loud lamentations of our force. She showed no anger, sorrow or remorse; Merely remarked—we hailed it as sublim “Thad a grandmother like that one time” W. W, Williams, in Atlantic Monthly. “Hal young man, how would you like it if that pretty young thing were your wife?” “Well, it would be more interesting if she were yours."—Sans Géne (Paris). Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions, Title registered in U. S. Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance, Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.60 a year; to Canada, 80 cents. Single current copies, 1 cents, Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain epply to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England, The foreign trade supplied from Live's London Office, Rolls House. Breams Bal ings, London, E. C. Canadian distributor, J. R. Tanguay, 386-388 St. James Ss Montreal, Canada. No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addres envelope. Live does mot hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of w1 licited contributions, Notice of change of address should reach this office two weeks prior to the dete issue to be affected. What makes brain power? Not only brain quality but condition, too. Many a man lights up a puzzling business problem when he lights up his Girard. Its won- derful ripe mellow flavor and real Ha- vana quality put him just in the mood to think and act his best. Antonio Roig & Langsdorf i : Philadelphia your nerves Tours and Cruises SOUTH AMERICA Including the best there is to see in South A Cruise—Tour January agth 70 days—$2200 up WEST INDIES Cruises 23 days under Tropical skies $450 up Tours To the ORIENT CALIFORNIA and FLORIDA Tours America and the celebrated trip over the Andes. Down the West coast on the lux- urious Pacific Line Steamer, “Ebro” —up the East coast Via the Lamport & Holt Line. Seventy days of pleasure onlandand sea. extended program of sight-seeing inall the principal cities of South America. January rath, S. S. Ulua; February roth, SS. Toloa, of the Great White Fleet. These new steamers built for cruising in the tropics offer the comforts of an ocean liner. Visiting Havana, Santiago, Port Antonio, Kingston, Cristobal, Panama Canal, Port Limon, San Jose and Havana. Honolulu, Japan, Manch North and South China ond the Philippine Islands. Seiling from Vancouver January Ie from Son Erancico Januar) 24, February 5 and 20, March 16, April 2 and 30, May 28 and June 25; from Seattle March 11. Small parties under personal escort. Write forrdetails. Conducted tours leaving each week from the middle of January throughout the winter to California and Florida. Stopover privilege enabling individuals to retum independent) or with alater tour. Wite for details. AMERICAN ExpRESS COMPANY A oS Broadway New York INTERNATIONAL BANKING, SHIPPING MANEL AND FOR!