Life, 1920-08-19 · page 26 of 40
Life — August 19, 1920 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical article mocks both major party platforms from what appears to be a 1912 election cycle (referenced platforms from Chicago and San Francisco conventions). Life's editors ridicule the vague, self-evident platitudes candidates offer as bold policy positions. The "platform" they propose lists absurdly obvious moral positions—don't abuse elderly people, support monogamy, oppose arson and murder, provide three meals daily—suggesting that actual party platforms say nothing substantive beyond such banalities. The satire argues politicians offer no real solutions to genuine problems, merely rhetorical posturing. The cartoons reinforce this: the top illustration shows travelers missing trains (mundane life), while the bottom features a postman celebrating an eighty-cent weekly raise after "twenty years' investigation"—mocking slow government bureaucracy. The dialogue parodies materialist concerns over ideals, contrasting with the article's implication that politicians ignore practical needs for empty moralizing.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AFTER MISSING HIS TRAIN, HE SUDDENLY DECIDES HE MIGHT AS WILL STAY A FEW DAYS MORE The Safe and Sane Platform ‘OW that all the party platforms are on record, it ought to be easy enough to draw up a composite one which would embody all the stirring enunciations in behalf of good govern- ment and equity which have been delivered at Chicago and San Francisco. From what we have heard, the following platform would cover all that needs to be covered in a political docu- ment: . 1, We indorse kindness to old people who are infirm and unable to get about hy themselves. We deplore hitting them with heavy instruments, tripping them up, or otherwise making it difficult for them to keep their balance. 2. We advocate monogamy as an institution, and would go on record as heartily indorsing marital fidelity. 3. There has been too much arson of late, and we view with alarm its prevalence. We hold that no man ought to set fire to another man's house, especially if there are women and chil- dren in it. We cannot be too emphatic about this plank. 4. Matricide and patricide are intolerable in a free democ- racy. It shall be our aim to wipe these twin stains from our body politic. 5. We advocate three meals a day for every citizen, with perhaps a bite of something cold before he goes to bed. - Altitudinous IN 80 H Yes, I certainly like good food, and always look for- Postman: WOORAY! AFTER TWENTY YEARS’ INVESTIGATION THE ward to the next meal. GOVERNMENT HAS GIVEN US A SUBSTANTIAL RAISE OF EIGHTY CENTS Sue: Why don't you talk of higher things once in a while? A WEEK “ But, my dear, what is higher than food?” comicbooksfeouml