Life — July 22, 1920 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“on! Is THAT YOU, AUNT SUSAN? LET'S MAKE IT ABOUT ONF, AFTER WE GET BACK FROM CHURCH” Billy Jones HE teacher thinks I'm Billy Jones. She's awfully wrong, you see; For I'm not Billy Jones at all— I'm a cowboy up a tree. The other kids they see me. They're scared as scared can be, For they know what's in my pocket, And they know who's up that tree. So they all sit up and listen; They're still as still can be; And teacher thinks she does it, But it’s really my gun and me. Nan Garland. YES, WE'D LOVE TO GO AND SEF you. Let's See HAT is the most insulting thing you can put in a letter? Some examples: Attention of Mr. Smith.” Dictated but not read.” “Yours in haste.” “Thanking you in advance.” “Dear friend Jones.” “Dear brother Jones.” ir (or madam) ‘Please remit by return mail.” “In returning the enclosed manuscript the Editors of Lire desire to thank the author. for. submitting it. Maid: NONSENSE! YOU'LL NEVER OUTGROW THIS CARRIAGE! Liberty “YOUR husband sick to-day?” “No,” said the wife. “Fixing up the garden?” “Is he vacationing?” “ Not that, either.” “Why does he stay at home away from business?" “It’s government day, At nine o'clock the state income-tax inspector is coming— wants to compare our state return with the federal one. At ten o'clock the federal income inspector will be around—he's go- ing to veri the children. At eleven o'clock we pect the county assessor he's inventorying the furniture. The school-tax commissioner is due at noon to fix our rate. At one o'clock the water-meter inspector opens the At two we have an appointment with the electric-light inspector—-he s. our meter is slipping a cog. At three the building-department inspector is due— claims our stone wall encroaches an inch on the stfeet. At four the passport in- spector takes my hushand's thumb-prints to attach to his photo. Henry fishes two miles over the Canadian border, and needs a passport. At five the fuel inspector will be along—won't give us a permit for a ton of coal until he has seen our bin. At six the automobile-license inspector is gi ing to fix officially the horsepower of our flivver, so we'll know what tax to pay At seven we have an appointment with the inheritance-tax appraiser. meter. Henry in- herited an old sofa from his aunt, and they are going to appraise it. At eight the mayor's rent inspector comes—says we took two dollars too much from one of Henry’s tenants. At eight-thirty the Pro- hibition-enforcement officer intends to test the alcohol percentage of our home- crushed grape juice. At nine— “ Another—" “No. At nine Henry is due for an ddress at the village forum. The title is America, the Land of Unfettered Free- dom.’ S.T. Sterne. The Seven Wonders of the World (According to Fido) IS master. Meat Children. Rags. The moon. Being tickled, Fleas. Fea much at poker last night?” Two prescriptions.” ae comicbooks eS0H |