Life — January 15, 1920 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LidsP E * Some Open Letters To Messrs. Swift, Armour & Co. ‘STLEMEN: I have duly received your notice, which states that, in deference to public opinion and moved to tears by the unhappy condition of divers consumers, you propose to cur- tail your business hereafter in the best interest of the greatest number. I also note that during your lofty career you have in- creased your capital from a few inconspicuous millions to a billion, Hereafter, as I under- stand it, under the spiritual guidance of Mr. Palmer and his successors, you pre pose to be virtuous. Your communica- tion has been placed on file for future reference. Thanking you in advance for your unselfishness, ete.. Ingenuously yours, Lire, To General John Pershing. Y DEAR GENERAL: in the embarrassing position in which you have bgen placed. It was necessary, in your report about the op Ta- tions of the American army, to play up the idea that America had won the war, but you had to do this with discretion. The Hon. Lloyd George appears to think that you carried the matter too far. case where everybody won the war, and that there is As an astute politician, the Hon. \llow me to condole with you It appears to me to be a glory enough for all Lloyd George doubtless understands this as well as you, and it would have been equally impossible, for obvious reasons, for him to admit that without America the war would have been lost. Let us, therefore, admit that we really understand one another, and that these public utter- ances are only prepared for popular consumption But-—how silent France has been! Tolerantly y To the Methodist Church DEE BRETHREN ing trouble with certain frivolous and obstreper- I see by the papers that you are ous members of your own hitherto united family, who want to break away from your rules and engage themselves in dancing, card-playing, the circus and other more or less carnal delights. To fire them out of your house does n seem expedient, considering their growing number. their evident (if mistaken) sincerity and the fact that there is he better con- served by overlooking their present disposition. This, how- doubtless much good in them which 1 ever, means great tolerance on your part and a probable revision of your rules to conform to the emergency. While I cannot hope to advise you, I have due sympathy for you in this dilemma. I can only point out to you that the re- formers seem to be having their own way at present, and if you have to be reformed, I trust you will accept your fate in the true spirit of Christian resignation More or less fraternally yours, Lee. To W. J. Bryan, D's MR. BRYAN: The fact that Professor Einstein has recently announced that there is no time or space, and this without due credit to your esteemed self, should not be held against him. The existence of the planet Uranus was discovered independently by two gentlemen, one a scientist and the other a philosopher. Nevertheless your discovery when you began running for the presidency so far antedates Professor Einstein that our sense of na- tional pride in your achievement is all the more enhanced. Even if you had not made your recent bow as a candidate. we know now that you will always be running for the presidency. Wars may come and go, kingdoms may totter peace treaties may even be ratified and Einsteins may van ish, but you, sir, have annihilated time and space for ge and all Gratefully yours, Lire To the Hon, Lloyd George. M* DEAR LLOYD GEORGE your sense of aggravation at what you term the American way of sending emissaries without power Please remember, sir, that we are young. Next time we will know better. We will send over Congress, the Senat and all the Prohibitionists and other incidental reformers we have on hand. You may not want peace on your sive of the water, but 1 assure you that we do. Adolescently y I note with chagrin WOBREATCO To waRo corr LIC IAS an Pacvent Oost 7 ass TRE OR BE CONTR TED VEODLING OFC? Pe, a rod BEWARE OF SUBSTITUTES comicbooks.com