Life, 1919-12-25 · page 31 of 37
Life — December 25, 1919 — page 31: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page mixes poetry, advertisements, and a satirical short story. **"Undressional"** (by Roland F. Andrews) is a humorous poem about poverty during economic hardship—people clinging to threadbare, patched clothes because they cannot afford new ones. The satire targets both the poor's desperation and society's judgment ("if we in only innocence / But for the clothes of yesterday"). **"Our Nine Muses"** is a witty list equating modern cultural trends (jazz, shimmy dancing, movies) with classical artistic muses, mocking contemporary popular culture as shallow. **"The Brute"** is darkly ironic satire. A police dog heroically saves an accident victim from a streetcar—but the punchline reveals the victim is "Doctor Schmidt, the famous vivisectionist" (animal experimenter). The joke: the dog saved the life of someone who tortures animals like itself, inverting expected moral clarity and satirizing vivisectionists' hypocrisy. The page is otherwise filled with hotel advertisements and patent medicine promotions typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BERMUDA rahe Ideal Winter Resort 9 Line, Whitehall St., N. Y.) PRINCESS HOTEL ge", e & Tworoger, Manag: HOTEL FRASCATI 22" Frank J. Gray, Manager Undressional OATS in whose depths the moth has dwelled, Trousers whose bosoms gleam and shine, Hats of a bygone age we've held, ves of an ancient, soleless line, Stay by us still! We lack, as yet, The price to get Another set. Hoisted, the prices mount on high; Hoisted again, they mount still higher. Tailor and cobbler gaily try To hoist us out of our attire, Pants of the patches, frail, but yet Our one best bet Against regret. Grabbed at, our dollars shrink to pence; Shrinking, we slink in sad array, Clad we in only innocence, But for the clothes of yesterday Hold fast each thread. The law won't let The smarting set Wear fig leaves yet. Roland F. Andrews Our Nine Muses QUA: Muse of poetry. Shimmy: Muse of dress. Jazz: Muse of music. Bluff: Muse of history. Split: Muse of dan Bore: Muse of “ movie Mawk: Muse of literature. Yammer: Muse of song. Tastenot: Muse of freedom FE has nothing better to offer than a pal that is con- pant, a slave that is willing, a dian that is alert; in other Tipping Billiard Cues, &c. ® Use | Maj jor’ s Cement Fat. 1876 Washington Monument AVeryAgreeable Aperient To quickly and surely overcome dizziness, headache, exhaustion, biliousness, indigestion and the many ills of constipation—nothing surpasses Eno’s “Fruit Salt.” Stimulates and regulates the diges- tive tract naturally. A spoonful in a glass of water makes a drink that reaches the pinnacle of pleasant taste and agreeable after-effect. The pre-dominating sense of good health that pervades your system, after its use, is beyond comparison with the trifling cost of one dollar foralarge bottle. At all druggists. Prepared only by J. C. ENO, Ltd. London, S. E England Agents for the Continent of America: Harold F. Ritchie & Co. Inc. New York, U.S. A. Toronto, Canada The Brute E was a police-dog, muscular, alert, his keen eyes sparkling with intelligence, his white wolf-fangs gleaming in an amiable dog-smile. His master had slipped his leash, and he wore no muzzle A street car stopped nearby, and an old man, attempting to alight, slipped and fell unseen by the conductor, who gave the starting signal. The victim, in his struggle to arise. slewed around until one of his feet was on the track in front of the car-wheels. A woman shrieked, men shouted, for the blocked street rendered timely human aid impossible the police dog darted in like a flash, sank his teeth into the old man’s collar and dragged him out of danger, then stood over him and barked a warning to the press of traffic “That gentleman,” remarked one of the bystanders, as the old man was carried out of harm's way, “is Doctor Schmidt, the famous vivisectionist.”