Life, 1919-12-18 · page 38 of 56
Life — December 18, 1919 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous short pieces typical of *Life* magazine's satirical format: **"Aut Scissors / Aut Nullus"** ("Scissors or Nothing"): A poem celebrating one's legs while young and visible, with gratitude for their service. The humor lies in the implicit warning about aging and weight gain making legs disappear from sight—a gentle jab at vanity and mortality. **"As You Were"**: A brief joke about a young woman refusing to lengthen her skirts despite her mother's wishes, referencing ongoing debates about female dress codes and hemlines in the early 20th century. **"The Optimist"**: An anecdote where a wealthy Chicago businessman's friend interprets a mule's kick to the face as "good luck"—satire on naive, blind optimism that finds silver linings in obviously bad situations. **"The Future Home"**: A one-liner mocking modern architectural trends, where a "garage with one living-room attached" represents misplaced priorities—homes built around automobiles rather than human living. The page also advertises a Locomobile automobile, the magazine's publishing details, and includes an illustration of two men reading a newspaper.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
(1032 | sAUT SCISSORS Aut NuLLus Playmates Do you know my friends that stay Always with me, night and day? These two legs of mine are they. If a fat man I should be, These two friends no more I'd see; They'd be hidden under me So, while they are still in sight, I shall say to them at night: “Weary left leg, weary right, “Thanks for every race you've run With the wind and with the sun, For the laughter and the fun!” —Punch, As You Were Sweet Sixteen (to mother): 1 have worn short skirts all my life, and I am not going to wear them any longer —Pennsylvania Punch Borel. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions, Title registered in U.S, Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents, Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Live ere copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain optly to Lure, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C. THAT ECSTATIC MOMENT WHEN THE HUMOROUS ARTIST SEES THE WAY ONE OF HIS DEST JOKES 15 A RECEIVED The Optimist Carl Emily Junck, the Chicago mil- lionaire: importer, said at a sangerfest “Only an incurable optimist like my friend Wash White could regard Ger many’s future as promising and hopeful I t Wash the other day with a bis raw gash in his forehead. ‘What does that gash mean, Washington?’ I asked ‘What does it mean?’ grinned Wash “Why, Mr. Junck, it means good luck; dat’s what it means. I prayed de Lawd last. night to gimme a good-luck sign, and de fust t'ing dis mawnin’ when I opened de stable do’, de mule Lazarus up wid his hoof and fetched me a kick in de face. Dar's luck fo’ you, Mr. Junck—a hoss shoe in yo’ face befo’ breakfas’. Golly, but I hopes de luck keeps up de same fo’ de rest o’ de year!* —Argonaut, The Future Home “Something good. I think it will make a hit.” “What is it?” arage with one living-room at tached."—Lonisville Courier-Journal. The foreign trade supplied from Live's London Office, Rolls House, Breams Build ings, London, E. C. Canadian distributor, J. R. Tanguay, 386-388 St. James Street, Montreal, Canada. y ns will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. does not hold itself responsible for the loas or non-return of ume licited contributions. Notice of change of address should reach this office ten days prior to the dat issue to be affected, COLLAPSIBLE LOCOMOBILE CABRIOLET WITH INTERIOR DRIVE An Individual and Distinctive Example of the Fine Motor Car. Custom Deaign hy the Locomabile Company of America, Bridgeport, Conn.