Life, 1919-11-20 · page 12 of 46
Life — November 20, 1919 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a short story about Theodore Munson, a wealthy coal dealer, and his new bride of three weeks. The narrative satirizes gender roles and marital expectations of the era. The top cartoon depicts cupids or cherubs arguing with weapons, captioned "Another Argument in Favor of a Bone-Dry World"—likely satirizing Prohibition debates by suggesting that without alcohol, even love itself becomes combative. The lower illustration shows a woman bathing, captioned "Columbia: Get Ready For Your Bath, Young Man; You're Just As Dirty As He Is"—this appears to be political commentary using "Columbia" (the American female personification) to criticize industrial pollution or social conditions, possibly directed at wealthy industrialists like the story's coal-dealing protagonist. Both pieces mock the wealthy while commenting on contemporary social issues around industry, morality, and gender.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
854 The Mistake of a Lifetime “YOU are the most unselfish man I ever met.” Mrs. Theodore Munson looked lovingly at her hus- band of three weeks. They had met and loved and mar- tied in the balmy air of California. “T waited much longer than women wait,” continued Mrs. Theodore Munson, “‘just for this reason: I never expected to meet any man who was really unselfish; but, Theodore, I have met my ideal in you. I know men I think, and I have never been able to detect the slightest thought on your part for yourself.” “I hope you will always feel that way, darling.” Theodore Munson said this with as much conviction as he could summon, yet there was within him a subcon- scious uneasiness. He hugged within his middle-aged breast a dark secret—one, however, which he had no immediate reason to believe would ever be revealed. And when his arms encircled the plump figure of his ardent bride, it was with a more than wonted rapture. He was polite and considerate. He knew he was. They arrived at Mr. Theodore Munson’s suburban home in the East early in the fall. It was a magnificent home, for Mr. Munson was the leading coal dealer in the place. His bride was delighted. “And now,” said Mr. Theodore Munson, shivering slightly as he crackled his thin hands together, ‘we will start the furnace.” WPSrrve re — yy Columbia: GET READY FOR YOUR BATH, YOUNG MAN; YOU’RE JUST AS DIRTY AS HE Is. ‘LIFE: ANOTHER ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF A BONE-DRY WORLD “Not yet, not yet!” exclaimed Mrs. Theodore Munson, turning a bright pink. “I don’t think I’d mind if we never started it.” Mr. Theodore Munson gazed at his bride for some moments in deep thought. The horrible truth was slowly dawning upon him. “Are you one of those women,” he faltered, while his teeth began to chatter, “who c-cannot stand the heat?” “T am.” “Are you one of those women who, at the slightest sug- gestion of hot air, go about throwing up the windows to the biting northeast gale, who like to sleep on porches, and during hot spells in summer have to be fanned by every appliance known to man—and who constantly wail in a loud voice that they know they are going to die?” “Tam.” “Well, I am one of those men who sleep with hot-water bags attached to their feet six months in the calendar year, who like everything shut up tighter than a drum so they can keep up even a moderate circulation. Why, I sold out my seat in the stock exchange four years ago, and came out here and bought this business, so I would be dead sure of having all the coal I wanted.” “Then,” said Mrs. Theodore Munson, heaving a fluffy sigh at the awful vision he presented, “we part.” “We do indeed,” said Mr. Theodore Munson. “I will give you half my income to pitch your tent on any ice floc you may select. I may be polite in most things; I may be considerate in most things; my love may be a love that burns and seethes in lower California, but I’ll be darned if I am going to freeze to death in New York all the rest of my life for any mere woman.” comichooks.coup