Life — July 24, 1919 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For President HE kind of man we need for President,” said the railroad magnate, “is a far- seeing, practical, liberal-minded man of wide experience with men and affairs and able to grapple with big questions in a big way. Above all, we need a man who knows railroading from A to Z and can help the country get back on its four wheels. No stronger candidate could be named than I. Keepum Movin, formerly traffic manager and now vice-president and general manager of the Dakota, Bur- lington & Missouri What the country needs,” said the Wall Street entre- preneur, “is a live, up-to-the-minute business man, one who senses the public need and knows how to satisfy it promptly and without fuss and flurry. Enough of vision- aries and day-dreamers! We want a boss who can swing big things, who can roll up his sleeves and pitch in with the best of them. Above all else, he must know finance like a book. Now, there’s Oodlesofit—Gimme Oodlesofit —chairman of the board of directors of the First Na- “ACH! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!” tional —— . case before a government of incompetents who know Tittle, “The country,” said the prominent labor leader, “ must have a President who knows and understands the wants of the workingman, Labor is tired of making out its own and care less, about the workingman. The voters must choose between continued industrial unrest and an era of prosperity and good government under the presidency of a man like I. Neva Doastroke, honorary international presi- dent of the Brotherhood of Unemployed Teamsters.” “ The greatest need in the country to-day,” said the army man, “is a President who is not bound down by civilian conventions. We want a man of action, a doer, not a talker; a man who isn’t afraid to give the army a square deal and who can interpret the great contemporary move- ments of the world in terms of military strategy. Such a man is Major-General Hesa Bonehead, who, after a notable four weeks at the front, returned to assume duties as reorganizer of the government's card index of conscien- tious objectors.” “We feel,” said the lady chairman of the Timber Com- mittee of the Women’s Good Government League, “we feel that the country should have a President who, above all, recognizes the importance of the home, one who favors a uniform divorce law and the betterment of conditions among the children of the congested tenement districts. We have waited long, but the time seems now to have come for the election of a President of the type of Miss O. Sofulla Theories, the brilliant advocate of woman for woman's sake, who heads our Committee on Plan and Scope, and whose address caused such a sensation at the last meeting of our Current Topics c Whereupon the Republicans met in convention and nomi- nated Senator Knowitall, Ohio's favorite son and holder of the long-distance speechmaking record in Congress. And the Democrats, in convention assembled, put up Representative Windbag, who had gone wrong on more subjects than any other living statesman in Washington. As usual, it was an extremely close and exciting election Burglar (watching cloping couple): Gee! wuat your "TRAIN up a child in the way he should go; and after- FOLKS'LL THINK OF YOUSE WHEN I GET THROUGH ! wards he will tell you wherein you made a mistake. comicbooks.com