Life, 1919-06-12 · page 12 of 46
Life — June 12, 1919 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the 1912 U.S. presidential election, proposing Henry Ford for president and W.J. Bryan for vice-president as a joke ticket. The accompanying cartoons mock political absurdities of the era. The top cartoon shows two men in a rowboat, captioned "Suitor (Forbidden the house): ARE WE APT TO RUN ACROSS YOUR FATHER AROUND HERE?" — a comedic reference to the ambassadors and cabinet positions listed, suggesting political appointments involve dodging scrutiny. The bottom cartoon depicts life insurance rejection, where an agent tells a woman: "I'LL NOT PAY ANOTHER CENT. I'VE PAID REGULAR PER EIGHT YEARS, AN' I'VE HAD NO LUCK YET." This lampoons insurance company practices of denying claims on technicalities. The "Platform of the New Bolshevist Party" stating "WE HAVEN'T ANY" mocks both anarchist politics and the vagueness of contemporary political platforms.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
1028 LIFE’S New Presidential Ticket 1@ For Vice-President, W. J. Bevan ident, Henry Foro OUR CABINET Secretary of State, Col. E. M. House Secretary of Treasury, Claude Kitchin Postmaster General, ( Creel Secretary of Agriculture, Robert Peary Secretary of War, Edsel Ford of Navy, Newton W. Baker cretary of Interior, David Starr Jordan ttorney General, Robert La Follette Secretary of Labor, Eugene Debs Ambassador to England, Mayor John F. Hylan Ambassador to France, Mayor W. H. Thompson Ambassador to Ireland, Jeremiah O'Leary Ambassador to Hell, W. R. Hearst Mandatory to Turkey, A. S. Burleson Slogan: Bolshevism Forever! W are at last able to announce the essentials of our Cabinet and—in order to insure the fullest confidence —a few of our foreign ministers, The work has been pro- ceeding slowly, in order to provide the ablest material Now that that material has been selected, a few words about our selections may not be amiss. As Attorney General, we feel that Robert La Follette will uphold our ablest traditions. Preliminary to his taking office, he will reside in Berlin, in order to perfect himself in a few important details. Admiral Robert Peary is an example of the highest form of self-abnegation ever known, and as Secretary of Agriculture therefore emi- nently qualified to sce that everybody in this vast country is supplied with enough geranium seeds to make a su out of his garden. Admiral Peary, after having dis- covered the North Pole, did not bring it back with him, but deliberately left it where it was. Davia Starr Jordan, as Secretary of the Interior, is the only college president on our list. He has, however, traveled from California to New York, and has that intimate acquaintance with our best scenic advertisements essential to any Secretary of the Interior. In order to make sure that Great Britain, France, Turkey and Ireland—countries that have recently been more or less associated with us in winning a war—should continue to entertain towards us that feeling of deep respect and cordial comradeship in accordance with our high ideals, we have appointed Messrs. Hylan, Thompson and O'Leary oe ila ee ur BM Suitor (forbidden the house): ARE WE APT TO RUN A YOUR FATHER AROUND HERE? S$ our representatives abroad. Mr. Hylan has visited Palm Beach. Mr. Thompson has lived in Chicago. His intense love { Germany will meet with a cordial reception in France Mr. Jeremiah O'Leary as Ambassador to Ireland will re- lieve this country of a considerable load. As our rej sentative stationed permanently in the lower regions, Am hassador Hearst will get plenty of local color and the r kind of inspiration, besides doing his great patriotic wor of keeping the home fires burnin; He will therefore be welcome in London socict PLATFORM OF THE NEW BOLSHEVIST PARTY We, the Bolshevist Party, hereby assembled, do declare these to be our principles: WE HAVEN'T ANY, sIgent: BUT, MY DEAR MADAM, IT’S A SHAME TO LET YOUF HUSBAND'S LIFE INSURANCE. LAPSF. “ULL NOT PAY ANOTHER CENT. I'VE PAID REG'LAR FER RIGHT YEARS, 4 'E HAD NO LUCK YET.” comicbooks.com