Life, 1919-05-29 · page 14 of 42
Life — May 29, 1919 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece proposes Henry Ford for President and W.J. Bryan for Vice President. The text presents a humorous fictional dialogue where Bryan and Ford discuss their platform: abolishing railroads, replacing them with Ford cars, and preventing war by offering nations four billion dollars annually instead. The satire mocks both figures' actual positions. Ford was known for industrial innovation and isolationism; Bryan was a three-time failed presidential candidate and war skeptic. The joke suggests their combined ticket represents an absurd "solution" to American problems—essentially replacing infrastructure with automobiles and buying peace through capitalism. The accompanying illustration of people in a boat and the "Dancing Down" cartoon at bottom appear decorative rather than directly connected to the main political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
938 *LIFE* LIFE’S New Presidential Ticket For Vice-President, W. J. Bevan For President, Henry Foro W Shave been conferring with our candidates. Hence the slight delay in placing our ticket properly before the country. -“T believe,” said Mr. Bryan, “in preparation apitalists will spring up over night.” ly arrangements for putting our government on a Bolshevistic basis,” said Mr. Ford, “are proceeding with due care. The abolishment of our railroad systems and the use of Ford cars in their place appear to meet with the Otherwise a million approval of the majority. To prevent other nations from making unexpected war upon us, we shall pay them an year—thus The next advance indemnity of three or four billions insuring permanent peace on a business basis. thing in order is our Cabinet.’ Mr. Bryan plainly showed signs of uneasiness. Hastily owing a beaker of malted milk, he said with some emotion: “You must remember, gentlemen, that, in order to eke out my slender salary Vice-President, it will be neces- absent on the Chautauqua Circle about nine months in the year. We must, therefore, have strong men in our Cabinet. enough to carry on the government during my That is the important question be “William,” said Mr. Ford, “dison and I have talked this over, and I assure you there are. You don't know this country, William. It can always he relied upon in such crises as now confront us. sary for me to h Are there men in this country big absence? re us.” Besides, we must pre- serve and perpetuate the ideals of our present fearless leaders, 1 therefore suggest the name of Col. E. M. House cretary of State.” J OM, JOHN, WHAT WILL YOU THINK OF ME WHES 1 TRLL YOU PART OF THIS IS MY FAUL 1 L-LEFT A FAUCET R-RUNNING! Mr. Bryan's face visibly brightened Good, Henry!" he exclaimed. “ Now I know that your farseeing statesmanship zill be fully equal to the task before us. With this fine start, and realizing that your own innate modesty would naturally prevent you from do- ing the right thing by the country, [ suggest your son, Edsel Ford, as Secretary of War. Henry Ford blushed with pleasure. “My be or three years. ” he replied, “kept himself out of war for two If there were going to be any more war— which, of course, there isn't—he could also do that for the country. He has had undoubted experience in this matter.” We feel, therefore, that we have made an excellent be- ginning. As permanent Secretary of State, Colonel House can be relied upon to do the proper thing hy all foreign countries. Mr, Edsel Ford needs no introduction. He is known to everybody of draft a Other members of the coming Cabinet will be announce’! DANCING HOWN