Life — May 1, 1919 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

744 “EEF 'E. LIFE'S School of Journalism “AJOW, childre: aid Lire, “I hope you will all be very quiet this morning, as there are several important questions to be settled. will now talk about current history. can tell us something.” “Oh, I could tell you a lot, if 1 only dared. Teacher, T wish you all I can do is to make faces. would dismiss that Hearst boy. to run the school “Now, Hearst, keep quiet, or I'll have The World will pl a reform school. something.” “Thank you, teacher! feetly lovely. minded man there ever was. a prodigy of statesmanship. Mr, Wil- son is perfect. We are spending a few billions more than we ought to, and Prohibition is simply awful, But other- wise the administration is O. K “Thank you, World! That is per- fectly splendid. Perhaps the Boston Transcript has something to si The pupil called upon adjusted his spectacles and turned very red in the face. “ Really, teacher,” said the Bos- ton Transcript, “1 should very much like to oblige you, but I can’t trust myself to speak. Af- fairs at Washington make me secretly sick with disgust. Creel and Burleson drive me to insanity. Rome in its palmiest days never had such corruption. You must excuse me, I’m not well.” “May I say a word, teacher?” asked the Times. “Certainly. We are always glad to hear from such a good boy as you.” I merely wanted to say that I didn’t have anything to say which could possibly be a reflection on any- one. Thank you.” “ And now perhaps we can hear from the bright young man of the Sun.” “ Say, teacher, but I’m too busy with Woodrow’s panacea for all ills. Call on my sedate friend there, the ing Post. She will give you some scholarly inspiration.” But here the Mail and Globe asked for a recess, which, all things con- sidered, was cheerfully granted. ‘He sole remaining divine right of kings seems to be that of abdica- tion, Are we all here? Perhaps the Tribune Yes. Well, we But He's doing his best nu sent to tell us Everything is per- Mr. Baker is the mightiest- Mr. Daniels is ‘A MODERN NERO Our New Endowment Fund Is your safe-deposit box overcrowded with worthless mining stock? An excellent way to relieve the pressure is to use several pounds of it to establish a Transition Endowment. The income from this stock will be utilized to tide temperance lecturers through what is known as the period of transition, a period lasting some little time after July ist. Having thoughtlessly talked themselves out of a job, and being unfitted for work, they must be sup- ported during this period of transi- tion; i. ¢., until the time is ripe for them to take the platform against soft drinks. Cut a Notch ZAPATA, Mexican. bandit chief, who killed, ravaged, looted and destroyed Velasquezes in Mexico for years, is reported killed, and seems to be adequately deceased. That is a good gain. Mourners will please pass up the right aisle. Division ILLIS: Now, we must choose between buying bonds and new clothes. Mrs. Wituis: That's easily arranged. You buy the bonds, and I'll buy the new clothes dear,