Life, 1919-02-13 · page 37 of 42
Life — February 13, 1919 — page 37: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three short satirical stories typical of Life's humor: **"The Last Warrior"** depicts an elderly man named John Cassidy dying while reminiscing about WWI—the trenches, casualties, and combat. The grim joke: he was "the last bartender," not a soldier. The satire mocks nostalgic glorification of war by revealing the narrator's actual non-combat role. **"Little Ikey"** is a crude ethnic joke featuring a Yiddish-accented child misunderstanding his mother's stork story about babies. He attempts to "order" a sibling by depositing money in the window, then requests two for a quarter—a joke about Jewish bargaining stereotypes common to early 20th-century American humor. **"Pattichis II"** appears to joke about ancient Egypt, though details are unclear from the OCR. The page is dominated by a **Gem Damascene Razor advertisement** showing two men (one appears to be a soldier in "Khaki"), targeting WWI servicemen. The ad claims the razor is the trusted choice of soldiers and working men, priced at $1.00 complete with blades and case.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE: 265; The Last Warrior iv was round about 1989. Old John Cassidy, nigh unto the century mark in years, sat nodding and dozing and dreaming of those far-away days. Heeremembered the crystal palaces he had lived in in that ancient time, mirrors and a-sparkle Rooms with gi with glasses that seemed of, magic colors. Oh! that great war, too, where he had seen men fall like flies, and many drag themselves to the rear, wounded eri and stagg He remembered that deep trench that he tramped for years, it seemed, His ject were always damp, for the water exuded from beneath continually, And he had visions of men sending out calls jor help, and red and green rocket-like hings singing around his head It was a glorious time, and a glori- dl we never quite licked the enemy,” he murmured with a smile. And he smacked his lips and closed his eyes forever, For John Cassidy was the last bartender ITTLE and he asked his mother where the babies came from. She replied that the stork brought them and that if he wanted a little brother, to put fifteen cents in the window. \ few minutes later little Ikey re- turned and sai Mamma, I got nod- gs but twenty-fite cents. If 1 put dot in der vindow vill der stork leat - desired a playmate, me two for a quarter?” YATTICHUS H was seated on the great throne in the temple of Osiris, with the lovely Hatusab reclin- ing on a cushion at his fect. The occa- sion was a great one. Suddenly the trumpets sounded a joyous blast as a courier dashed in, bearing to his royal master the weekly copy of Lirr, to which the greatest of the Ptolemics was a regular annual subscriber. you don't have to go through life with a that the t i is The only way to'le well is to build up your body--all of ft throug OH, YOU SKINNY! Why staythiaas arail? Youdon'thaveto! And Millions of Gems in use There’s an intimate, helpful relationship, a good fellowshi where the GEM Razor is concemed< ac more than twenty-five years the “Pal” of men in all walks of life— valued by those who, by actual experience, know the real meaning of efficient service, the boys in Khaki and Blue. Gem Blades take the beard off in a Jify—so softly you never miss it—so smoothly, well, it’s too good to be true—but, ery itl $100 S5M —— Complete The separate parts cluded in outfitare re rliustration bot le and outside of case. Includes frame, shaving and stropping handles, and seven Gem Blades in handsome case as illustrated, or in Khaki case for traveling. Add $0 cents to above price jor Canada Gem Cutlery Company, Inc., New York Canadian Branch, $91 St. Catherise St., W., Meatreal