Life — November 28, 1918 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Teacher: AND HERE 1S LIBERTY, THE CAPITAL OF GERMANY. IT USED TO BE CALLED BERLIN Conference At the dogs met to consider the question as to how the world was to be made safe for the new canine democracy. “Tam the victim of feminine autoc- the Pekinese. “ Being rather diminutive in size and nice in my tastes, there is a general impression that I am effeminate and the slave of luxury. On the contrary, there is really a lot of fight in me, and I have a secret inclina- tion to be a sport, even among the so- called rough-necks. I think I am “ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES” . entitled to be developed along these lines.” “The fact that I come from Ger- many,” said the dachshund, “has put upon me an undeserved blight which is likely to continue for many generations. I ask, Is this fair? I am really affec- tionate, intensely loyal, dead against all cruelty and decidedly in favor of a permanent peace based on the highest- domestic ideals.” “My long sufferings as an outcast, in which I have been subjected to every species of neglect and torture,” said the mongrel, “have produced in me a set of qualities that ought, in my humble opinion, to be put to better use for the good of humanity. I have an immense capacity for endurance; to anyone who gives me the slightest token of love I will stick, even unto the bitter end, and I have developed a sense of humor and a philosophy of my own. Certainly, something ought to be done to right my wrongs. “T speak for my own companions in misery, no matter of what breed they may be,” said the professionally trained. fox terrier who appeared in a vaude- ville troupe. “Our injustices cry to heaven for vengeance. Just because we are selected from all the dog king- dom for our exceptional intelligence, we are forced to go through a long course of private torture before we ap- pear in public. We are beaten, starved and often filled with dope, virtually slaves to a sordid commercial instinct on the part of our masters. Is this not horrible? What redress is there for us?" “T move,” said the Irish terrier, who was considered the best politician pres- ent, “that we form a league of breeds, and stand out at once at the coming peace conference for the freedom of the streets and alleys, ample protection from all vivisectors, and an old-age pension system, hospital privileges, do- mestic tranquillity and an equal chance for all.” “T'll give my life, my fortune and my sacred honor to this cause,” said the mastiff; “but, my friends, how in the world are we to get public opinion working for us? President Wilson is too busy. Marshal Foch, I know, is favorable to all of us, but he has his hands full. How can we get this be- fore the world?” “Send it to Lire,” growled an Aire- dale. And it was so ordered. OLLY: She used to be a brunette, and now she's a decided blonde. Dotty: Yes, and even now she isn’t satisfied. Potty: Doesn't know which way to turn next, eh? A CLOSE RELATIVE icbooks.com yo