Life, 1918-10-24 · page 22 of 34
Life — October 24, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Dilemma"** (top): A mock-serious poem about a Prince unable to choose among three women before departing overseas. The satire appears to mock romantic indecision and wartime separations—likely referencing WWI soldiers leaving sweethearts behind. **"FOCH—THAT'S ALL"** (center illustration): Shows a military officer amid chaos. "Foch" likely refers to French General Ferdinand Foch; the caption suggests ironic commentary on military leadership or decision-making. **"Bright Lexicon of the Politician"** (left): Cynical definitions mocking political hypocrisy—"Loyalty" means party obedience, "Patriotism" means party loyalty, "Divine Providence" means corruption. This directly attacks politicians' dishonest language. **Additional pieces**: A doctor joke about colds and wet feet; a brief satire titled "No More Heroines" arguing against gendered professional titles (heroine, authoress, conductorette); and a quip about someone being "over-subscribed" with self-importance. The overall tone is anti-politician and skeptical of wartime leadership.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Dilemma sl Ballade of the A. L D R Lord, and I am leave, And I have k Nor do | trea For mortal man was made to fall— ed my dear girls all, hery conceive, Jennifer, Gentle and Rosemary, The Fire, the Golden and the Brown, Most truly do I love all three, Nor one for other dare turn down Assuredly ‘tis time to die, Now their sweet vows are newly mine, Since they have pledged with lips that sigh And tears have made their dear eyes shine— Oh, Jennifer, Gent The Quick, the If I return from over sea, and Rosemary, ately and the Still, Which of ye three will love me still? Dear Prince, my heart hath not the power ‘To “choose among these maidens three L love the Fire, the Queen, the Flower, And worse, they say that they love me! Wise Prince, dear master and great Seer, If I return from over sea, Pray keep them separate at the pier— Jennifer, Gentle and Rosemary. ALEC. “DOCTOR, I HAVE AN AWFUL COLD. “AHA-A! YOU'VE BEEN GETTING YOUR FEET WET AGAIN. FIVE DOLLARS, IF YOU PLEASE!” FOCH—THAT'S ALL In the Bright Lexicon of the Politician The extent to which you will stick by the machine, re- gardless of everything else. OYALTY. Patriotism. Love of party God. A word used occasionally to give a dignified appearance to some- thing you are “putting over” on the country, Constituent. The man you know you can fool part of the time, and hope you can fool all of the time. Appropriation. The price of your ignorance and cupidity and sectionalism, for which you make the majority pay. Divine Providence. What you call the system of graft, chicanery or par- tisanship by which you hope to win, Our Common Country, That nebu- lous entity which consists of the total number of votes you can probably control. No More Heroines OW that the fair sex has come into its own (or her own, or his own), why not do away with feminine ter minations, where they can be spared? A hero is a hero the world over, there- fore, why heroine? Likeavise, why authoress, poctess, conductorette, ct cetera? We do not say chairwoman or Congresswoman. a ‘OW much stock he does take in himself!" “He's over-subscribed.” comicbooks.com