Life, 1918-08-01 · page 26 of 36
Life — August 1, 1918 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces from an American wartime magazine (likely WWI era, given references to "the Kaiser"): **"The Founder of the House of O'Ryan"** (top cartoon): A domestic humor piece where a father explains "morale" to his son using an example—his forced cheerfulness around his wife's visiting relatives. The joke plays on the gap between public duty and private annoyance. The wife's comment about Red Cross work underscores how wartime sacrifice rhetoric pervades even family life. **"The Quickening"** (poem): A sentimental reflection on how material concerns distract from spiritual aspirations, reframed by war's horrors ("eastern holocaust"). The piece suggests only through global suffering do people abandon petty materialism. **"Wanted: A Better Excuse"** and **"Necessity"**: Humorous pieces mocking military bureaucracy (the absurd Adam's apple reasoning for collar restrictions) and Washington living costs so high that a robbery victim begs thieves to shoot him rather than steal his pay. The page's overall tone blends patriotic sentiment with gentle mockery of wartime absurdities and domestic frustrations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FOUNDER OF THE HOUSE OF O'RYAN APA, what does morale mean?” “Tt's hard to explain, son; but I can give you an example—my uniform cheerfulness in the presence of your mother’s relations when they are paying us a visit.” His Wife (dressed for amateur theatricals) : DON'T GET EXCITED, SOHN, WE MUST ALL DO OUR EIT FOR THE RED CROSS, The Quickening HE petty things—they bind us close to clay! The petty things, they fret our souls away! My soul would soar, my spirit spread its wings— Were’t not for petty things. I was not made for them; the petty things. Methinks my soul was meant to float on wings Of joyous gladness where the zephyr flings Sunshine on petty things. The tyranny of things! Alackaday'! My soul lies fettered on the King's highway! I cannot reach to God nor dream fair dreams For irksome things, meseems! So cried my stifled soul not long agone— Before the world ran red with hate and scorn— Before the castern holocaust had blazed To western folk amazed. O God, the world through pain with knowledge rings— "Twas we ourselves who hugged the petty things! Unbind our souls, from pettiness set free, Dear Lord, take all of me! Margaret Cabell Gwathmey. Wanted: A Better Excuse OMEBODY in the Quartermaster’s Department claims to have discovered the real reason why our army heads are averse to doing away with the high, stiff blouse collars which threaten our officers with apoplexy and strangulation. According to him, there is an opinion in lofty places that a low rolling collar such as the English wear would expose our Adam’s apples to such an extent that our Allies would be shocked. If this is true it is worthy of careful con- sideration and deep thought. We don’t want to shock our Allies. At the same time, our Allies have been mixed up in the war for a considerable lefgth of time, and have be- come hardened to sights which are just as bad as a whole flock of American Adam’s apples. And if exposing our Adam's apples will make our men more comfortable, and consequently better able to kick the Kaiser into retirement, we have a feeling that the sight of an Adam's apple undu- lating gracefully above a low-collared blouse will arouse enthusiasm rather than horror in our Allies’ breasts. Necessity FTER a recent pay day at Washington a government clerk was wandering aimlessly down Pennsylvania Avenue, hugging his pay envelope, when he was held up by two footpads. He held up his hands, but began to plead, “ Don't take my money. Blow out my brains, if you must, but please don’t take my money. It doesn’t take any brains to live in Washington, but it does take a lot of cash.” ILLICUS: What is your idea of a popular woman? Cynicus: The kind a fellow isn't afraid of falling in love with.