Life, 1918-08-01 · page 12 of 36
Life — August 1, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces: 1. **"The Lingering Lift"** (right column): Mocks the frustratingly slow descent of modern elevators, describing the tedious wait as "one of the exquisite slow tortures of modern life." The humor relies on everyday frustration—watching the indicator hover at "twenty-two" while the elevator descends painfully slowly. 2. **"Army Item"** (top illustration): A chaotic sketch captioned "Lieutenant Eggicombe Smith Shows Marvelous Aptitude in Aviation"—likely satirizing incompetent military officers, showing someone wildly out of control in an aircraft. 3. **"Who's Nobody and Why"** / **"Almost Rock Bottom"**: Profiles Smoothlipp Shyster, a disreputable divorce lawyer despised by bar associates. The dialogue below mocks financial ruin during economic hardship, suggesting someone has lost everything to taxes and business failure.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ARMY ITEM LIEUTENANT EDGECOMBE SMITH SHOWS MARVELOUS APTITUDE IN AVIATION Who's Nobody and Why Smoothlipp Shyster, LL.B, Te picture absent from this space is that of Smoothlipp Shyster, LL.B, a legal bloodhound ever hot on the scent of litigation prospects. Bar associates despise Mr. Shyster whole-heartedly, if somewhat constrain= edly and silently, for his vile perversion of legal remedies; every client he ever had swears vengeance on him for his hlack-souled selfishness ; and Justice herself, in whose serv- ice he professes to be engaged, waits patiently for the day when he will be restrained from further mischief by un- yielding stone walls and iron bars, Mr. Shyster’s specialty is separating man and wife— incidentally breaking up their home—for the nominal fee of fifty dollars. His general practise comprises such cases as he can put through with a minimum of law-hook research —albeit they call for a maximum of cold-blooded despatch. During his twenty-odd years of trouble-making he has con- trived to do his profession more harm than the sum total of all the satire aimed at it by sharpshooters among the laity. It will be a welcome issue of the morning paper which brings the news that his license has been revoked. Almost Rock Bottom LL, have you gotten down to a war basis yet?” Yes. I've given up my business, lost twenty pounds, spent all my spare cash in taxes, sent my boys to the front, and was never happier in my life. The Lingering Lift AITING for the elevator to come down is one of the exquisite slow tortures of modern life. When you first gaze at it, the indicator hovers fixedly around twenty-two. For what seems an age it is entirely static, then with faltering motion it descends very, very slowly. How long it stops at each floor! Surely the elevator must be crowded by this time! Lower and lower comes the little arrow with pain- ful slowness. You try many ways of passing the time pleasantly, indulging your fancy by counting many thou- sands of mental sheep as they leap over an imaginary fence. At last hope begins to mount in your breast; the pointer has reached three. Then an apparent retrogression occurs; it mounts again to ten, Once more the tedious downward journey, and finally the lights of the descending car grect you. Instinctively you step aside to let the crowd out. A useless courtesy! The car is empty. B® good, and you'll be Liberty Loan- some. The Singer: AND 1 THOUGHT THIS SONG WOULD BE SO POPULAR!