Life — May 30, 1918 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

We \AUT SCISSORS = Aut NuLLus ™ ROSS House of Lords Lord Halsbury in one of his terms of office had occasion to visit a certain lunatic asylum in his official capacity. “I'm the Lord Chancellor,” he an- nounced to the attendant at the door. The man looked at him curiously for a moment. “This way, sir,” he said very firmly; “we ‘ave three more of ‘em in ‘ere! —Tit-Bits. Av old negro went to the office of the commissioner of registration in a Mis- souri town and applied for registration papers. “What is your name?” asked the of- ficial. “George Washington,” was the reply. “Well, George, are you the man who cut down the cherry tree? “No, sah, I ain't de man. I ain't done no work for nigh onto a year.” RANGING More Than He Could Stand A sailor on furlough was strolling in the country when he saw for the first time in his life two men working on a cross-cut saw, sawing a tree in two. The sailor stood for about a quarter of an hour watching the two men, one of whom was very tall, while the other was very short. The sailor at last made a sudden spring and dealt the tallest man a blow in the face. “ What—what's this?” big man. “You big coward!” cried the sailor. “T've been watching you for the last quarter of an hour trying to take that saw from the little fello stammered the w York Globe, Oxe cold and wet windy night a farmer came upon a negro shivering in the door- way of an Atlanta store. Wondering what the darky could be doing, standing in such a draughty position, the farmer said “Jim, what are you doing here?” “’Scuse me, sir,” said Jim, “but I'm gwine to sing bass to-morrow mornin’ at church, an’ I am tryin’ to catch a cold."—London Opinion. THE GUARD Lire is published every Thursday, simultanoously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $t.04 a year to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, to cents. Back numbers, after three months {rom date of publication, 23 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England, from bocb Lire is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained foreign, trade supplied sellers in all the principal cities in the world. The Lire’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, No contributions will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and eddve envelope. Lire docs not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of vu1 licited contributions, . Notice of change of address should reach this office ten days prior to the date ¢ issue to be affected. G@D DINNER GW@D SPEECHES AND Lysmi OF COURSE KING OF TABLE WATERS 7 Interesting Booklets Free to Investors These booklets contain helpful information for YOU. For example, if you hold Liberty Bonds you should read about our 3% Spanish War Bonds which after the war sold at 11244. The Scribner Pocket Investment Series has been written for the experienced as well as the inexperienced investor. Select any of the follow- ing booklets. They will be mailed you without cost: “How To Invest "—‘ Bonds And The In- vestor ”"—“ Our Foreign Bond Holdings "—“ Par- tial Payment Investments "—“ Investment Position of Municipal Bonds "—‘“ The Farmer Must Be Financed "—* The Farm Mortgage As An Invest- ment.” Investors’ Service Bureau SCRIBNER’S MAGAZINE 594 Fifth Avenue New York It i fellow: they a least ones. Boy!’ “rw and sc wild ¢ To- “ some could tell y you be me As Nover they } The ¢ an b tents, I rea about why ] surro our s plain 4 ane tigati Sho the HE Fee rap descent of Montr working comicbooksgray