Life — May 23, 1918 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIFE: Life’s Horoscopes Cc. M. SCHWAB THs distinguished and (until re- cently) extinguished young man would have been born for a Cabinet job, but at the moment of his na- tivity the Milky Way was covered with Wilson highballs and Mercury and Saturn were in eclipse with Den- man’s California election returns. He was born in the seventh house of the Little Dipper, with a talent for con- trol, a Napoleonic executive ability and a genius for getting things done, thus forcing him into the War Departments when every- thing else had been tried and failed. He looks well in Beth- Ichem-steel pajamas, with armor-plate sleeves, and should avoid ‘platforms, publishers and pacifists, and confine him- self to looking pleasant and hoping for the best, while Newton and Josephus secretly wish they had his crude way of getting vulgar results. THOMAS EDISON RCURY © being — incandescent with the Aurora Borealis, the Pleiades short-circuited and subma- rines prevalent in the Milky Way, this young man had the life current turned on while the phonograph needle point- ed to the main house of many inven- tions, with storage batteries threaten- ing all lines of communication, He is easily approached hy journalists, advertising agents and Henry Ford, and, when interviewed, serves source of regular income to those who believe that his opin- ions upon subjects he knows nothing about are awaited with breathless interest by millions. Looks well in a bath robe made out of frosted glass, trimmed with S O S gas fixtures, with ornamental side combs of silicon ammonia and panta- lettes of cream-colored wireless coherers. Should live on Washington pie, newspaper puffs and the creations of hired help. Will succeed as a super somnambulist, assistant chauffeur to a windmill or a weather clerk for a Christian Science sanitarium, Should avoid suffragettes, Jerseyites, hygienists and prohibitionists, continue to live on his past and sleep at least eighteen hours a day. Truth and Honest People OBODY is one hundred per cent. truthful. It is not compatible with human frailty to be as truthful as that, and we must not expect it. When people put the best face on their own conduct and pinch or color the facts about it, that is mere human nature. We must not be too ready to denounce them. People who try to be truthful and get an average above fifty per cent. in that endeavor we should rate as “ honest.” To see the truth and speak it requires exceptional gifts, Trooper Jones: Now 1 KNOW WHAT ONE, OF THOSE HIGH- VELOCITY PROJECTILES FEELS LIKE the product, usually, of generations of consecrated effort. To ordinary honest people, that looks most true that puts their conduct in the best light. When they tell their stories, and tell the truth as their minds discern it, that is what we get. TWO MONTHS LATE “EXPECT TO DINE IN PARIS ON APRIL IST” (Statement of General von Hindenburg) comicbooksfeenil