Life, 1918-05-02 · page 24 of 40
Life — May 2, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page presents "Life's Horoscopes"—mock astrological readings of three prominent WWI-era figures, using absurdist humor to criticize them. **George Creel** was President Wilson's propaganda chief. The satire mocks his work by suggesting he should avoid "printing presses and megaphones" and live in remote deserts—ironic given his actual role spreading government messages. **A. S. Burleson** was the Postmaster General, criticized for suppressing anti-war publications and controlling mail. The horoscope jabs at postal delays, "dead-letter offices," and his censorship by sarcastically praising his "distinction as a printer's devil." **Theodore Roosevelt** is skewered for his hawkish stance on WWI. References to him being "in eclipse with Pacifism" while "Uncle Sam is gassed" mock his interventionist position versus Wilson's "Too Proud to Fight" neutrality stance (1916-1917). The absurdist zodiac language amplifies the satire—treating serious political figures as cosmic oddities deserving ridicule. This reflects Life's anti-government-overreach editorial stance during wartime censorship debates.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SJ captain, FRYATT WHAT'S IN A NAME? Life’s Horoscopes GEORGE CREEL HIS young man was born in the third cusp of the house of the Dog Star, with Libra in conjunction with Scorpio, Capricornicus with patent insides, and Long Primer Aurora Borealises chasing themselves through the circumambient atmos- phere. Will do his best work in Mesopotamia, middle Africa or the outh Pole. Should avoid fountain pens, typewriters, printing presses and megaphones, also hot-air furnaces; and should pass his vacation conserving sand dunes in the desert of Sahara. Should have the carbon removed from his cerebral machinery every eight hundred miles and live on a low dict of asterisks and i-colons. Looks well in calico print with blue-pencil borders, Should sleep twenty-three hours a day, and, when awake, live in a deaf and dumb asylum A. S. BURLESON HE zone of the postal orbit being in solar plexus with Sagittarius, Gemini crossed with Virgo and the Swan singing her last song, this gen- tleman was born in the Moon's fourth-rate declension, with postal deliveries four days late (as usual) and all advertising columns lined up against the cotton belt. A> careful study of the typography of the zodiac, in espionage with the pork barrel and Mars ascendant, leads to the belief that he will achieve his highest distinction as a printer's devil in a boiler-plate factory. He should avoid long journeys by special delivery, spending his time in the dead-letter office and giving aid and comfort to the enemies of light. When he appears in public he should carry a dark lantern and make a noise like Freedom, in order to avoid publicity. When not suppressing circulations he should read the New York Tribune, Lire, Boston Transcript, Collier's Weekly and Metropolitan, also the speeches of T. R. Looks well in a glass case entirely surrounded by pacifists, pro- Germans, peripatetics and panjandrums. THEODORE ROOSEVELT HIS gentleman was born under Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the Sun and Capricorn, with oysters baying at the Moon, the Great Bear speeding on the Milky Way, Orion chasing Capricorn, and megaphones rampant. He should confine himself to a light y dict of red pepper, capsicum, ginger, hot tamales, and wear barbed-wire sweaters. Looks well in France. The f star of his nativity rises rapidly, but during the years 1917, 1918 and 1910 will be in eclipse with Pacifism, while Uncle Sam is gassed and Peace without Victory is in rhetoric with Too Proud to Fight. He should avoid hospitals, doctors and suffra and confine himself exclusively to people. ettes LIFE'S ANTLOBESITY HINTS NEVER EAT A POTATO UNTIL YOU HAVE PUSHED IT TWENTY- FIVE YARDS WITH YOUR NOSE, THIS NEUTRALIZES THE EFFECT OF THE STARCH, comicbooksgzcem)