Life, 1918-03-21 · page 45 of 56
Life — March 21, 1918 — page 45: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes **Theodore Shonts**, president of the Interborough Rapid Transit (IRT) subway system, who apparently posted etiquette notices for passengers. The poem mocks his sanctimonious "Little Gems of Etiquette"—rules about not spreading newspapers, crossing legs, or pushing—by presenting them as absurdly preachy moral pronouncements. Poet Arthur Guiterman's commentary is the joke: while praising Shonts's "sound" philosophy and "profound" etiquette, he admits he'd "rather swim a dozen Hellespont" than endure the actual subway crushes that these notices fail to prevent. The satire suggests Shonts's genteel rules are useless against the chaotic reality of crowded New York subways—his moralizing cannot control human behavior in cramped transit conditions. The humor targets the gap between aspirational corporate messaging and lived urban experience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Shontsiana N the crowded I. R. T., For the Passenger to see, Neatly charactered in type of clearest fonts, Advantageously are set Little Gems of Etiquette By our Arbiter of Manners, Mr. Shonts. They are brilliant, they are terse, They are worthy of my verse, They are timely, they are none of them amiss ; Their propriety is such That we love them very much, % And their purport is approximately this: “ As you enter, as you go, We should wish to have you show What vulgarians epitomize as ‘ Pep.” We are zealous to prevent Lvery sort of accident— You will help us if you'll kindly watch your step. “Do not spread your paper wide ; There are those on either side Who will thank you if you fold it once or twice. The Administration begs That you will not cross your legs! For to trip your Fellow-traveler isn’t nice. “As you hope to carn our love, Do not Push and do not Shove! We are running cars as often as we can. cate, efficiency and long life. men’s wear shops The high grade YJBRY from coast to coast. webbing gives a 2S¢ 3Se 5c firm, resilient and GEORGE FROST CO. comfortable hold. MARERe, BOSTON [Boston Garter| TIFFANY & Co. JEWELRY SILVERWARE WATCHES CLOCKS AND STATIONERY SATISFACTION ASSURED IN QUALITY AND PRICE THE TIFFANY BLUE Book GIvEs Prices FIFTH AVENUE & 37@ STREET New YorK You will find the Guard polite, If you'll only treat him right!” | Says that Estimable, Moralizing Man. | Let an Old Town Canoe carry you where the big fish lurk and where game is plentiful. For casting and trolling, an Old Town is un- equalled, An Old Town offers health, sport and beauties of the great outdoors—an invitationno red-blooded sportsman can re- fuse. Send today for catalog which shows latest models. OLD TOWN CANOE CO, 1133 Middle Bt. O14 Town, Maize His Philosophy profound— But I'd rather swim a dozen Helles- ponts Than endure the Subway crushes That appear to bring no blushes To the cheek of Epigraphic Mr. Shonts! Arthur Guiterman, And his Etiquette is sound, | | BELL-ANS Absolutely Removes Indigestion. One package proves it. 25c at all druggist: comicbooks.com Diocexes had given up his quest in disgust. He could not find an honest man, but he had found an hon- est periodical, so he sold his lantern, and with the proceeds became an an- nual subscriber to Lire,