Life — March 21, 1918 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ISN'T THAT GENERAL TORTOISE WE JUST PASSED? YES. UF AS THE REPUTATION OF BEING THE GREATEST HUSTLER IN THE WHOLE ORDNANCE DEPARTMENT.” Rewriting the Bible OLE friend Billy: Sunday: has teen rewriting the Bible. He claims that it ought to be put into modern xarh in order to get it home to the plain. people. Here are some lines from his rendition of the story of ms Samson blew himself for a lot of hot-house foliage and approached Delilah with all the ease and gra of the scasoned flirt. Delilah was the queen vampire cast. She was the fi the whol chef in the trouble kitchen. Delilah strung Samson until h looke the water back of a rowboat at t end of a perfect fishing day Then Samson went to sleep, and Delilah took dre moved his Seven like a perch trailing thr © scissors utherland Sis- n his pride and ters, which had 1 joy Samson's finish was as fos hardy ¢ had heen. is engaged in the pro- souls. He thinks silly: Sunda fession of sa they can be saved by slang. Up to date about everything has been done to save souls except slang, and as soul-saving is generally regarded as an important occupation, Mr. Sunday will probably not be accused of blasphemy or had taste in perpetrating his ecclesiastical atrocities. Barnard’s Lincoln. A Respite I of Lincoln, there is comfort in the reflection that at worst it cannot get England until after the war. There the matter of the Barnard statue won't he steamer-room for it. Meantime England may be destroyed ly Germans, and so escape the statue, or may win the war and bear all minor trials cheerfully Four Important Milestones in Life 1, Blarney stone. 2. Moonstone. 3. Grindstone, 4. Tombstone 469 Something Wrong CCORDING to a_ recent order issued by Mr. McAdoo, upper berths in sleeping cars must hereafter be occupied. No matter how fat you are, there is no escape for you in case the lower berths have already been taken. Up to re been permitted to languish and decay and waste their solitude on the mid night air. Now each of them will con tain one or more human beings, accord- ing to circumstances. Mr. McAdoo is frank about it. His idea is to discour- ent times, upper berths have age traveling. He not only proposes to raise the rates, but to use the upper herth as a hold-up. Has he not, however, omitted an im- portant point in his ruling, in failing to specify the kinds of people who shall occupy upper berths? It seems to us that all southern congressmen and | pro-Germans should he exempt m this ruling, ald be pro- These two classes of people are now the most favored. Why subject them to the same fr vided with lower berths. and sl inconveniences endured by common or garden Americans? $ the church fair a success?” “We cleaned up eight hundred and that doesn’t include a hundred and fifty that we got honestly.” “HURRY, NURS: ON THE SMALL OF MY mAcKE" “Where is i?” PUT THE PLASTER comicbooks.com