Life, 1918-02-14 · page 24 of 40
Life — February 14, 1918 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces reflecting early 20th-century American concerns: **"Why?" Section**: Praises General Leonard Wood for efficiently procuring overalls for Camp Funston soldiers before bureaucratic channels could process orders. The satire critiques government inefficiency—Wood's direct action contrasts with slow military bureaucracy. The piece suggests Wood and Admiral Fiske should hold higher positions given their competence. **"The Standard"**: A brief joke mocking Mrs. Blase for having so many ex-husbands she couldn't find enough to serve as pallbearers at her funeral—satirizing both divorce and loose morality among society women. **"Calling"**: Jokes that Harold was too intelligent for clergy, so became a floorwalker (department store employee) instead—mocking both religious calling and social mobility. **"Portrait of a Dog" (After Gertrude Stein)**: Parodies modernist poet Gertrude Stein's abstract, repetitive style by applying it absurdly to describe a dog. **"Poor Things!"**: Brief joke about artists' models' bad reputations being worse than reality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“DEAE * Why? When the army needed overalls for the soldiers at Camp Funston General Leonard Wood went out and bought the government overalls, He had them there when the army needed them. The long and intricate journey through which the order for overalls must travel was taken after the soldiers got the overails. —Kansas City Stor. ‘ NERAL WOOD was one of the few authorities in this country who talked preparation long before any- one else was thinking about it, His experience and record in cleaning up Cuba had established his reputation as not only an army expert, but a man of unusual organizing | ability. When the war opened he was removed from the ba a eastern department and sent to Charleston. From Charles- ton he was transferred to Kansas, the suggestion having been previously made to him that it might be well for him to consider the Philippines. : Admiral Fiske was generally acknowledged to be our leading naval strategist. Why not use these gentlemen? The Standard RS. WAYUPP: I see your friend Mrs. Bump is dead. She wasn’t much of a society woman, was she? Mrs. Bias£: No, indeed. Why, she didn’t leave enough ex-husbands to act as pall-bearers. Calling ~ ‘I THOUGHT they intended Harold to be a clergyman.” “They did. But he was so much brighter than they expected that they decided on a floorwalker’s career for him.” NOT MENTIONED IN DISPATCHES Portrait of a Dog After Gertrude Stein FLASH. A hunger merely in a hurry. Leap. Tail in a fury with feathered edge. A bone is in the best society. It gives nothing away. A pointed bark. * Cats is. Dark. Fancy sounds with assorted crescendos, Aromatic. Melancholy. No silence. Flip-flap. A begging. Friends. A comfort. Poor Things! OKUS: I wonder why artists’ models have such poor reputa tions. Pokus: I'm sure I don’t know. They e are seldom as bad as they are painted. DR, JEKYLL AND MR, HYDE