Life — January 31, 1918 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SUFFRAGE TRIUMPH A Tale from the German NCE upon a time there was a little girl named Columbia, who was so sweet and good that everyone loved her very much. When she was quite young, her Aunt Betsy made her a cloak and hood of red, white and blue, all embroidered with the most wonder- ful stars and stripes, and because she looked even more lovely than ever when she put it on, people called her Little Red-White-and-Blue-ing Hood. One day her mother called her and said: “ My child, I want you to take some war measures for your poor Grandma, Dame Democracy, who is very sick with the Teutonic plague. Be very careful when you go through the woods, for there are grafters, un- scrupulous editors and propagandists there who will surely harm you if you are not on your guard.” So Little Red-White-and-Blue-ing Hood kissed her mother and set out, swinging the basket of war measures and humming to herself. She had not gone far when she met the S from, Wisconsin. “Good day, Little Red-White-and- Blue-ing Hood,” said he pleasantly. “What have you in your basket, and where are you going with it?” “T have some war measures for my poor Grandma, Dame Democracy, who is lying sick with the Teutonic plague,” replied the little girl. How does one get to your Grand- ma’s house?” asked the Senator. “I should like to go to see her some day, and tell her how sorry I am she is sick.” So Little Red-White-and-Blue-ing Hood told him how to get there, and the Senator bounded off into the forest As she went along the path through the woods, Little Red-White-and-Blue- ing Hood saw some very pretty peace flowers, and she dallied by the w gathering as many as her hands would hold. But in the meantime the cun- ning Senator had gone by another path a cottage. He knocked on the door and heard a voice call from the inside: “ Who is it?” Making his voice very soft and sweet, he answered: “It is I, Little Red-White-and-Blue-ing Hood, with some war measures and some medicine for your sickness.” “Pull the proper strings and the latch will fly up,” cried Dame Democ- racy from within. The Senator pulled the proper strings (for he was a clever Senator); the fatch flew up and the door swung open; and stepping inside, he found the dear old lady in bed with her tri-colored nightcap on. With one bound and a growl, he seized her by the throat and devoured as much of her as he could. The rest he put on the shelf. Then he climbed into bed, and pulled the clothes way up about his chin. Before long Little Red-White-and- Blue-ing Hood came hurrying in, sorry that she was so late and a little fright- ened that she had spent so long a time picking flowers. See, Grandma,” she said, “T have brought you some war measures and some medicines.” Thank you, my child. Come over here,” said the Senator. The little girl started to cross the room, but when she looked at the Sen- ator she was frightened. “Oh, Grandma!" she cried. “Why do you wear that fearfully Teutonic pompadour?” “The better to get the German vote, my dear,” answered the Senator. And why, do your eyes twinkle so at that picture of the ‘Lusitania’?” “The better to confuse the people, my dear.” “But why have you such a long tongue and such strong, inde jaws?” “The better to crush you with, my dear!” And with these words he leaped at the poor little girl, and would have made an end of her then and there, but a few hundred Congressmen who had been watching the whole affair came up and called the Senator such harsh names that he slunk out into the forest to wait for Little Red-White- and-Blue-ing Hood on her way home. Lost Less Than the Average IRST GERMAN OFFICIAL: What makes you think Herr Pumpernickel has been smuggling in food? Seconp German Orrician: He weighs only twenty pounds less than he did at the beginning of the war.