Life, 1918-01-31 · page 28 of 40
Life — January 31, 1918 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical page mocks American government inefficiency during World War I, likely targeting Secretary of the Treasury William McAdoo. **"A Patriot" cartoon** (left): Shows a sailor with a small dog, asking to be taken "as a mascot or something." The satire suggests even a dog might be pressed into government service given the era's absurd bureaucratic expansion. **Main list** proposes ridiculously trivial or absurd tasks for McAdoo—from investigating magazine editors' use of photographs to appointing a "Dictator of male wearing apparel"—mocking government overreach and wartime busybodying. **"Government Inspector" joke** satirizes nepotism and unqualified appointments in wartime government: a man gets a munitions inspector position solely through family connections to someone in the War Department. **"Is the Colonel a Relic?"** criticizes military hawks who advocate universal military training while attacking President Wilson, suggesting these warmongers are themselves outdated. **"German Delegates" section** is satirical enemy propaganda, mocking German negotiating tactics at Russian peace talks—suggesting Germans exploit Russian weakness while pretending good faith.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A PATRIOT “CAN'T YOU TAKE ME AS A MASCOT OR SOMETHING Tasks That the Government Might Foist on Secretary McAdoo While the Foisting Is Good CHAIRMAN of a committee to investigate the strange * fondness of magazine editors for embellishing short stories and serials with photographic illustrations. 2. Formation of a search-party to locate the person who has blamed our mild winters on an inward-moving Gulf Stream. 3. Managing a government-owned hotel, and hiring and firing the cooks. 4. Opening a Government Correspondence Bureau to advise mothers how to name their children. 5. Chairmanship of a commission to conserve energy by cutting baseball teams from nine to four men, and limiting the duration of each game to twenty minutes. 6. Soliciting advertisements for the Record. 7. Establishing a Governmental Kick Department to re- ceive kicks from the people on senators, department heads and Cabinet officials. 8. Dictator of male wearing apparel, and sole arbiter of length of trousers, height of collars, color of fancy vests and number of pockets in coats. 9. Overseer-in-Chief of practically everyone. 10. Director General of Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and all airship lanes. Congressional yvellsstcs “He's JUST BEEN APPOINTED GOVERNMENT INSPECTOR OF AMMUNITION.” WHAT QUALIFICATIONS HAS HE FOR SUCH AN IMPORTANT Post “HIS WIFE'S COUSIN MARRIED A MAN WHO HAS A FRIEND IN THE WAR DEPARTMENT.” Is the Colonel a Relic? LOYD GEORGE reminds us that war is a relic of bar barism. What, then, is universal military training? a relic? And, oh my! What, oh, what of the Colonel, who puts in tims 1d overtime calling with snorts for universal mili tary training and denouncing Wilson for not demanding it? Is he a relic of barbarism, too? It seems likely. Tt does. Is that also Instructions of German Delegates to Russian Peace Conference NEVER say anything which you cannot retract. ign anything you are asked to. The German gov- ernment will declare your signature a forgery. 3. Do not waste time drawing maps of military posi- tions. We already have blue-prints of all important works. 4. Do not demand the Atlantic or the Arctic oceans. We will get those from England. 5. If you meet any anarchists, salute them. the little brothers of the Germans. 6. Do not allow the Russians to make fools of you. Your government has made ample provision for that. They are LL danger of low risibility can be obviated by renewing your subscription to Lire,