Life, 1918-01-17 · page 12 of 40
Life — January 17, 1918 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces: **"Not a Fable"** (top): A satirical dialogue between an American army contractor and a German spy during WWI. The contractor boasts about profiting from the war while claiming to be a patriot. The spy suggests this greed makes America vulnerable—the satire's point being that war profiteers prioritize personal wealth over national security, potentially endangering the country. **"A Good Enough Heaven"** (right): A humorous piece about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's description of Heaven in the *Metropolitan* magazine, mocking both Doyle's vision and Thomas Carlyle's strict religious ideals. The jokes suggest Heaven as envisioned by these figures would be tediously conformist. Both pieces satirize contemporary figures and values during the WWI era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
92 Not a Fable Ox fine morning an American army contractor was walking along, jingling the gold in his pocket, when he met a German spy. “Why, hello, my good fellow!” said he merrily. “ How goes the battle with you?” “Only so so,” reel spy, sighing deeply. les.” 1 the German have my trou- You surprise me,” said the army contractor, “I thought you managed to make a good living; and you are fairly well paid.” “That is quite true,” said the Ger- man spy. “But you forget that the Secret Service people are growing con- stantly more expert, and while I am still able to do considerable damage to property, and shall probably be able to keep it up, the situation really grows more precarious all the time in proportion as these stupid Americans are aroused against me. It is not with- in the bounds of impossibility that eventually I shall be taken out and shot.” GLASS-HOUSES WITH THIS 1S THE HOUSE THAT WILLIAM BUILT “ Ah, my dear friend,” said the army contractor, “that is where you have made your great mistake. You should have followed my example and become an army contractor.’ “How so?” “Don't you sce the simplicity of it? You would stil be quite able to do as much damage to this country as you are now doing—if not more—by sup- plying any amount of rotten clothes, hats and shoes at fabulous prices. And, in addition to all this, you would be under the protection of the govern- Alas!” muttered the German spy, beating his breast, “that T should not have thought of this before!” \ POCKETFUL 0° STONES A Good Enough Heaven Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has been telling the public just what Heaven is like, in the Metropolitan, If Sir Arthur Conan likes the Heaven he is that we Marquis depicts all we can. say hope he goes there—Don E ng Sua, Sa good Heaven, and undoubtedly Sir Arthur expects to go there. Tt provides for individuality, employment and promotion for merit. Thoma Carlyle said the Shorter Catechism was amiss in asserting that the chief end of man was to glorify G de him forever. He insisted that the ch end of man was “to do his ¢ Thomas would probably have been sat- isfied with Sir Arthur's Heaven. B “'"'Chan; lambs! June: Yes—forgetting, poor cha that they broil lobsters there, too! Bob bought a seat on so as to shear the ITTLE BOY ( ton): Father, when are we going to see all the red tape? siting in Washing icomicbooks com