Life — January 3, 1918 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“OvER THE Tor” A Hopeless Case ARON MUNCHAUSEN, over an ashestos newspaper in the Hades Public distraught. He at his finger-nails, from his mouth » hunched reading-room of the Library, was obvior gnawed nervously and expelled the 1 with such frequen a continuous clicking sound was caused hy their impact against the wall. Napoleon Bonaparte and Julius Caesar, who were working together at the opposite end of the room, endured the irritatin; Eventually, however, Bor from his seat and approached the of- fender. and violence that se as long as possible, parte rose growled the you're dis- “Look here, Baro Little Corporal savagel turbing Julius and myseli so that we can’t work on our plans for ac paign to annex Germany to Hades. What's your trouble, anyway? replied Munchausen, tricken face to his ques- oked by the ashes of Sapoleon,”” lifting a grie I am a dead past!” Bonaparte looked puzzled. “I don’t quite get you, Baron, id he. “It melancholy; but it me.” ioner, “ sounds poetic means nothing Munchauset ew moist. “1h you must know, awakening to a rea “LIVE - lost my reputation as the world’s cham- pion liar, My heart is broken.’ Napoleon slapped the Baron on the hack. “Cheer up, old dog,” he urged. “You've got a fit of depression, and things look dark; but they aren't as had as they seem. Why, Baron, you could lie circles around anyone at all!” Munchausen shook his head sadly. “When I lied,” said he, “I lied about atters that were strange and imma terial to my hearers. My trip to the moon, for example; and killing the flock of ducks with one bullet; and the frozen notes in the bugle: all of them were nothing but fiction—exaggerations —idiotic ravings. Any lunatic could tell that sort of li Napoleon shrugged his shoulders. “T must confess, Baron,” said he, “ that T don’t understand your viewpoint. Who is there that can out-lie you?” The Baron smiled sadly. “ The Ger- mans, dear boy,” said he. “They a the most vicious, pernicious, persist riotous, vehement, excessive supe in the world’s history. My lies were harmless lies, told for my own amuse- ment and the amusement of others. The Germans’ lies are evil things, de- signed to wreck homes, ruin nations, destroy faith, make a mock of equity and justice, shatter democracy, over- turn art and lay waste the prin of freedom and civilization.” “You're quite right,” replied Na- polcon thoughtfully, “but if you bent all your energies to it, couldn't you beat them at their own game?” The Baron shrank 1 ples ck in horror. “Compete with the Germans?” he cried. “Never! Not while a spark of decency remains within my soul! That's why my sufferings are so great! I must see my reputation vanish like mist before the sun, and never a move can I make to retain it.” Bowing his head in his hands, the Baron wept bitterly: and his tears, dropping on the red-hot pavement of the reading-room, sizzled mournfully. Realizing that the Baron's soul was indeed in torment, > Julius Caesar to his side, and together they led the stricken Munchausen to the Hades Grill for a vitriol cocktail with a dash of hemlock bitters. poleon beckoned Moving! ARTA, do you think we ought to feed every stranger who comes to the door “No, Hiram, I don't. But that poor fellow had such a pathetic story to tell. He says he was merly a New York theatrical manag! — NO SLACKING! we Year Lather Time: NOTHING DOING, E WISH TO FILL OUT AN EXEMITION BLANK, YOU'VE COT TO SERVE FOR ONE YEAR,