Life, 1917-12-06 · page 38 of 92
Life — December 6, 1917 — page 38: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct satirical pieces mocking wartime attitudes: **"War Notes"** opens with mock-heroic language praising the Ottoman Sultan and German Kaiser, sarcastically celebrating their mutual decoration and Germany's "regularly monthly destruction of London." The satire bites hardest regarding stolen European artworks (Rubens paintings, Brussels bronze horses), suggesting Germans either destroyed or removed these masterpieces to Berlin—then sarcastically implying anyone believing they were *preserved* is naive about German conduct. **"How We Treat Them"** satirizes American leniency toward enemy agents. A captured German spy refuses interrogation. Rather than harsh punishment, the kindly American official offers dinner and time to reconsider. When a patrolman suggests execution, the official protests that "soft-hearted America" treats pacifists and pro-Germans leniently—though "gradually" improving. The satire critiques American restraint as excessive weakness during wartime. Both pieces mock conflicting American attitudes: exaggerated criticism of German brutality versus reluctance to match their harshness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
War Notes ultan of Turkey, Effulgence of Earth and Dazzling Orb of the Supreme Universe, whose voice is as of thunder and whose frown throws countless millions into hysterics of agony, has presented the diamond star of the Iftichar Order to William IT, High and Mighty Ruler of the Uni- verse, Baby Destroyer Magnificent, whose grandeur permeates every poi- soned well and to whose majesty every ruined fruit tree and sacred work of art testify, who in turn has presented to the Sultan the star and chain of the Hohenzollern Order of Diamonds. Next week will be set aside through- out the German Empire to celebrate the regularly monthly destruction of London, Phe famous “Descent from the Cross” of Rubens and the equally famous “Garden of Eden,” at Ant- werp, and the bronze horses formerly in the Avenue Louise at Brussels have disappeared, and it is surmised by some that they have been removed to Berlin. Even to insinuate that these priceless masterpieces of art have actually been preserved, instead of being blown to pieces, shaws how far some people will go in misjudging the Germans. Dr. Dudley Sargeant declares it is a biological fact that women can bear more pain than men. Perhaps that is why the Germans torture women in preference to men. How We Treat Them HE kind-faced offivial leaned for- ward as the German spy was brought in. “Good morning,” he said politely. “T understand that you were caught with a bomb in your pocket yesterday afternoon on the wharf.” “Yah.” “Well, I hope you will excuse me for being too personal, but would you mind telling me how you got it “ Never.” “But, my good fellow, we are at war with your country, and we might. possibly, cause you trouble. I don't say we would, but might. We want, of course, to be fair. Come now, tell me what you know about this affair.” “Never!” Christmas Life “Travels with a Donkey” The face of the kindly official showed that he was greatly disappointed. “Dear me, officer,” he said to one of his patrolmen, “take him away, give him a good dinner, and let him think it over. Maybe he will come around.” The patrolman saluted. “Excuse me, your honor, but wouldn't it be a good idea to take this feliow out and shoot him, on general principles?” “How shocking of you! You forget this is soft-hearted America. It's hard for us to recover from the habit of treating our pacifists and pro-Germans leniently. We are gradually doing it, of course; but don't ask us to go too far all at once!” AVVANTAGES OF THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE CHRISTMAS