Life, 1917-12-06 · page 32 of 92
Life — December 6, 1917 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct satirical pieces: **"Christmas Life by Proxy"** (main story with illustration): A boy named Edwin encounters Santa Claus on Christmas Eve but rejects all traditional gifts—a sled, skates, mittens, toy train, and candy—citing modern urban apartment living as incompatible with these items. He sarcastically suggests Santa give them to poor boys in Bloomfield instead. The satire mocks how wealth and modern city life have made traditional Christmas gifts obsolete for privileged children, and how even Santa's generosity becomes absurd in this context. Edwin's entitled dismissal of Santa's efforts—despite his own extravagant evening of shows and restaurants—critiques both childhood ingratitude and the commercialization of Christmas. **Two brief joke items** appear at page bottom: - "Suspicious": Squirrels worry a "food controller" wants to prosecute them for storing nuts (likely referencing WWI food rationing) - "Too Much": A judge questions a man about his marriage; the reply jokes that his wife wanted to live off him entirely The page satirizes modern consumer culture, entitlement, and wartime regulations.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
928 his forefinger cainst his nose for the purpose of mysteriously, placing “T've been waiting here since h Where have you been? This is no time for a good little boy to he getting home!” “Ts that so!” objected Edwin, “I'd why it isn't! This is Christmas isn’t it? Well, father took mother and me to a show, and then we had and then took father and me to a midnight movie, and after that I bought them a breakfast registering jollity. ast ten. like to know mother supper, out of the money I've saved up. What's wrong with that Santa Claus scratched his head dubi- ously. Then he gave it up. “ My boy, said he, “I've brought you some pres- ents; for I have been told you are a good little boy.” “Don't josh me,” urged Edwin bash- “What have you got?” 1." said Santa Claus, remem- bering that his scouts hid counselled generosity, “I have a sled for you, and and some red car a pair of skate: muffs, and a pair of blue mittens, and a toy railroad train on tracks, and a big candy cane Edwin smiled gratefully at Claus. “I don’t want 'em,” “Give ‘em to some poor boy out in Bloomfield. There isn’t any place around here to use a sled; and we've all had two pairs of skates ever since they opened the rink on the roof. If I wore red ear-muffs around here, the other fellows would throw me down the clevator well. I wouldn't be found in a pair of blue mittens at a dog fight. If I tried to use a toy railroad train, the people downstairs would get the landlord to come up and shoot me. And I'm not allowed to eat cheap candy since the epidemic a couple of years ago.” anta Claus raised his eyes to the ceiling in bewilderment. Then, realiz- ing that he was wasting precious time, he ran moaning into the hall and van- ished up the stairs. A moment later the jingle of sleigh-bells was heard, and Edwin, looking from the window, be- held a team of reindeer speeding through the wintry air in a general northerly direction, while Santa Clans, Christmas Life BY PROXY with his customary genial expression replaced by one of fretfulness and ran- cor, urged his gallant steeds to greater endeavors by hurling the contents of his pack at them. “The poor wretch!" murmured Ed- ing wearily at his watch. “No wonder the other fellows don't Santa Claus! He doesn’t even know he's alive!” A few moments later the heavy breathing of the slumbering Edwin showed that if he was a bad little boy, the wrist- win, gl believe in his conscience wasn't aware of fact Kenneth L. Roberts Suspicious IRST SQUIRREL: That chap has been hanging around here for days. Wonder what he wants Seconp Squirret: I suspect he is a food controller, and wants to jug us for storing nuts, Too Much thee Now, sir, tell us about your marital relations—were they pleas- ant? Birpack: Pleasant’ cnough, your But they wanted to live on me all the time, honor. comicbookSegug]