Life — November 22, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

for your Duty iss—do it you should. Be a Fine Soldier, then maybe you could. You should do all that Your Officers tell to you— Butcher a Baby or Poison a Well or two. “LL PP'E The A BC of Kultur iss the Enemy—England— the One Stealing poor Germany's place in the Sun. She is a Pig, a Thi ber. We're just as Good yet as She is— the Robber! and a Job- stands for Frightfulness— you should appear Frightful to Look At and Frightful to Hear; Frightful to Woman and Frightful to Man— You must be Frightful as much as you can. A Military Genius The Turkish government has re- called the Governor of Palestine on account of his excessive cruelty. —News item, IEUTENANT VON ZWIEBACH, an intelligent and ambitious young- ster of the 1921 class, entered Great Headquarters briskly, pausing only to kick an old woman who was seated on the steps awaiting news of her dead son, and hastened at once to the office of his chief, General Otto von Schnit- zel. “Excellenz!" cried the boyish lieu- tenant eager. Excellenz, the gover- nor of Palestine has been recalled by the Turkish government on account of his excessive brutality!" General von Schnitzel looked up from his maps with a pessimistic shake of his head. “Too bad! Too bad!” he growled. “ Poor chap, he was prob- ably merely acting in accordance with military necessity! Still, there is nothing we can do about it.” Lieutenant von Zwiebach looked eagerly into the cold, blue eyes of his superior officer. “You don’t understand,” he whis- pered hoarsely. “ Opportunity is knock- ing at our door. Dissatisfaction is rife throughout our armies and our civil population at the pitiful soft- heartedness with which Belgium is be- ing governed. It has been weeks since any of the Belgian swine have been mowed down with m: ine guns, after having been forced to dig their own graves. Deportations of girls and men of working age have practically ceased ; and it is seldom that more than one thousand are deported in any one week. Our present governor ‘contents himself with fining cities and removing works of art from the museums. We should have more blood and iron, as in the rare old days of von Bissing!” “Yes, yes,” agreed the stern old gen- eral with a bewildered air.“ That's all quite true; but what can be done?” “The temedy is at hand,” cried the lieutenant. “Let us win glory by sug- gesting to the All-Highest that Turkey give us the governor of Palestine to be governor of Belgium.” “ Himmelsniffel!" shouted General von Schnitzel exultingly. “ You have in- deed made a discovery! What a gover- nor he would make! The streets would be littered with the amputated limbs of children, and in the whole country there wouldn't be a woman who hadn't been vilely insulted.” “Yes,” declared Lieutenant von Zwiebach enthusiastically, “and he would install the good old custom of shooting a score of Belgians at sunrise each day.” General von Schnitzel rose from his chair and kissed Lieutenant von Zwie- bach on the brow. “ My bo: “ you have the true military genius, and I love you as a son. Your colossal idea goes forward by telegraph within the hour, and with it goes a recom- mendation that your rank be raised from lieutenant to major. Some day T hope to see you made governor of the United States, and to rejoice in the firmness with which you turn the ma- chine guns on the Yankee swine and their painted women.” Overjoyed at these words of praisc, Lieutenant yon Zwiebach rushed from the room and expressed his delight by trampling to death a kitten belonging to the little daughter of the janitor of the town hall Kenneth L. Roberts.