Life, 1917-10-11 · page 12 of 40
Life — October 11, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Cartoon ("Joe Outlaw"):** Two men swing from a tree branch over papers on the ground, depicting commuters in an absurd "marriage service" scenario. The satire mocks railroad commuters' minimal free time—men who must rush home to suburban wives, arriving so late they barely see their families. The vows humorously reference railroad schedules and "missing the train," reflecting early 20th-century commuter frustrations. **"The Best Investment":** A humorous bill of services for a master, listing domestic protections and family care, totaling $1,610. The note reveals a dog earned this "investment" through practical service—satirizing what humans actually pay for these conveniences. **Bottom items** include brief satirical pieces about wireless precautions and Congressional pork-barrel spending, reflecting period concerns about technological adoption and government waste.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
DER OUDTLAW The Best Investment (Uf our house dogs rendered us bills at the end of cach year!) To My Master, Di Item: To absolute burglar protection for 365 days at $1.00 per day “To acting as nursemaid to the children for twelve months at $30.00 per month... To one fire discovered in the night, before it could do any damage... “To amusement provided by tricks and odd mannerisms for 365 days at $o. saved on doctor's bills hy keeping ly in open air eae eee “To sympathetic companionship for 365 days $365.00 360.00 «300.00 per day. 182 at $1.00 per day 365.00 “To an unswerving and unlimited affec- Hon gua ccennueoscwmemrensenevacen Invaluable Total Sessvenaeeoseaes , $1,610.00 Received Payment, THe Dos. Note: All this service was gained with little cost, the dog being fed mainly with scraps from the master's table. Figuring the original investment in the dog at $25.00, the account shows an interest of 6400 per cent. on the principal. Is there any “war-baby” that is paying like that? Barrett Brady. UST as a timely precaution, why not search Gronna for wireless? “LVF E - A Manage Service for Commuters (Fill in railroad as required) r ILT thou, wife, to live together in so far as the will allow? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor keep her, take her to the movies, prevent the furnace from going out, and come home regularly on the 5:42 train?” “Twill.” “Wilt thou, Jill, have this commuter to thy wedded husband, bearing in mind snowdrifts, washouts, lack of servants and all other penalties of suburban life? Wilt thou obey him and serve him, love, honor and keep him, and let him smoke a corncob pipe in the house?” “T will “T, Jack, take thee, Jill, to my wedded wife, from 6 P. M until 8 A. M., as far as permitted by the Railroad, schedule subject to change without notice, for better, for worse, for later, for earlier, to love and to cherish, and I promise to telephone you when I miss the train.” “T, Jill, take thee, Jack, to my wedded husband, sub; to the mutability of the suburban service, changing trains at , to have and to hold, save when the card club meets on Wednesday evenings, and thereto I give thee my troth.” wedded ‘k, have this woman to thy Christopher Morley. WV Nel A BIG PILL BUT A SURE CURE Forwarding the Good Work “THE meatless day scems to be making a hit the idea won't spread?” s, I understand that Congress thinks of holding a I wonder porkless session every, week.” RS. RUSSE What is your husband's average in- come, Mrs. Harper? Mes. Hager: Oh, about midnight. comicbooksieeniy