Life, 1917-09-06 · page 34 of 40
Life — September 6, 1917 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains several short satirical pieces typical of the publication's humor section: **"Inconsistent"** jokes that doctors are hypocrites—they advise patients to seek change for their health, then charge them all their money. **"An Uncrowded Industry"** features two Irish immigrants (Pat and Mike), with Mike sarcastically noting that being an honest man in America offers "no competition"—implying dishonesty is rampant. **"Getting Even"** depicts a captain-mate feud aboard ship (*Pretty Polly*). After the captain logs the mate as drunk, the mate retaliates by writing the captain was sober—suggesting the captain's sobriety is so remarkable it's noteworthy. **"Wilhelm of Prussia"** is a post-WWI joke: the Kaiser, facing eternal punishment, finds himself in a pleasant Munich beer hall. When told "Life" magazine isn't available there, he despairs—"this is indeed Hell." The page also contains period advertisements for dental products, foot powder, and digestive aids, reflecting early-20th-century patent medicine marketing.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Inconsistent There are many inconsistent: men, But the doctor tops the lot— He tells you you need change, and then Takes all the change you've got. —Boston Transcript. An Uncrowded Industry Pat had just arrived from when Mike, who had been in for some ye pied him. * Faith, Pat!” exclaimed Mike, “ what are you doing over here?” “T've come over.” answered Pat, try if T can make an honest living.” Begorra, Mike. me boy, that’s dead for it's domned little competition you have in this country.” —The Lamb. Ireland America “10 y over here, ] HE gums are the keys to health. You must keep your gums firm or your teeth will loosen. | They may even drop out. You must pre- vent tender gum spots or bleeding gums at all hazards. For these mean Pyorrhea. Four out of five people over forty suf- fer from Pyorrhea (Riggs’ Disease). This | means that their gums | inflame and recede and expose the teeth to painful tooth-base decay. Don’t wait for a single tender gum spot to appear. Start using Forhan’s now. It positively prevents Pyor- thea, if used in time and used consistently, It promptly relieves tender gums, bleeding gums {t firms up the gum tissues and means firmer, sounder teeth as well Forhan’s in fact, has qualities unpossessed by any ordinary tooth paste and it cleans teeth scien. | tifically also It is cool, antiseptic, pleasant. If gum-shrinkage has already set in, start using Forhan's and consulta | | special treaunent In 30c and 50c tubes at all druggists in the | US | FORHAN CO 202 Sixth Avenue | New York ' Getting Even The captain and the mate on board the Pretty Polly were at loggerheads They scowled whenever they met, and seized opportunities of scoril other with fearful glee. E: at making the day's entries in the log-book, and the mate, when making his | entries, was very surprised to find, in the | “June Mate drunk He stared at it wrathfully a1 then a slow grin broke over his face. He pment, took his pen and w te “June 3rd, tg17.—Captain sober.” —London Opinion New Who can tell me a thing of import hundred years 2 Larter Boy: Me Tracer ce that did not exist a Dallas N. In a Pinch, use ALLEN'S FOOT-EASE | Ir looks very much as though the “Watch on the Rhine” Deseret News. was in ne extensive repairs. ILHELM OF PRUSSIA was just about to begin his eternal pun- ishment. To his surprise he did not find himself in an atmosphere of fire and brimstone, but in a delightful van dell, with an abundance of Mu- nich beer, frankfurters and sauerkraut Stretching out in a comfortable posi- tion, he said: “Now bring my regular copy of | Darn” “We do not get Laer, here,” the attendant “Ach,” sighed Wilhelm, “ this is ine deed Hell.” replied EGYPTIAN DEITIES|) : “The Utmost in Hes | | ‘ Thain EndorCork ip : po ented De PREFER Deities any other igre 25° Snargyres | Moters of the Highest Grade Tarksh cond Eqyptan Caparets othe Brkt “AN OVERWITELMING FOKCE COMPELLED GENERAL JONES TO RETIRE” ‘ BELL-ANS /Absolutely Removes |\Indigestion. One package proves it. 25c at all druggists. ER es CEMENT STANDS HOT AND COLD WATER 10¢ | x xuH comicbook