Life, 1917-07-26 · page 28 of 40
Life — July 26, 1917 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a whimsical cautionary poem by Arthur Guiterman, illustrated with decorative borders showing beach scenes and activities. The narrative is a fairy-tale morality lesson in mock-archaic language: **The Story:** A young man named Elmer Brown encounters an attractive woman at Coney Beach who embodies the joys of life—beaches, romance, amusements, food, leisure activities. He responds with indifference and refuses her invitations with "I don't!" and "Not I!" As punishment for his joyless, ungrateful attitude, she transforms him into a clam—a creature permanently closed off from life's pleasures. **The Point:** This is satirical commentary on killjoy attitudes and emotional coldness. The "Sand Witch" (a pun on "Sandwich") represents vitality and life's simple pleasures. Elmer's curmudgeonly rejection serves as gentle mockery of those who refuse to embrace happiness. The poem uses mock-serious, antiquated language to humorously convey a sincere message about appreciating life's offerings.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Sand Witch S Elmer Brown of Gotham Town strolled forth to take the Air On Coney’s Beach of wide Renown, a Sand Witch met him there. She wore a crimson Bathing Dress, her Check was touched with Tan, She had the fairy Lissomnesse of Ann-ctte Kell-er-mann. She lookéd up, she lookéd down, soe comelic to behold, And syne she smiled on Elmer Brown—but Elmer Brown was cold! “ Dost thou not love, fair Sir,” she said, “to hear the Billows roar ?— To see the Lovers, newly-wed, that walk the sounding Shore ?— The Maids that laugh in merrie Peals, the Lads that play at Ball ?— The Wealthie Folk in Chairs with Wheels, the Poor in none at all?— These golden Sands that Infant Bands doe digg as is their Wont?” In peevish Pride the Youth replied full churlishlie, “I don’t!” “Oh, come,” the Siren sang, “ with me, and let us gailic float Afar upon the bounding Sea within the littel Boat ; Or view the Freaks in yonder Place which Scientists endorse ; Or ride the thrilling Steeple Chase astride the Hobbie Horse! And taste the spicie Sausage Roll and eke the Lemon Pie, And quaff the Pop that cheers the Soul!” The Lout rejoined, “NotI!” Now mark ye all what IIIs befall the gloomie Childe of Strife Who doth disdaine in bitter Vein the precious Joys of Life! For wroth the lovelie Sand Witch grew, that was as is the Lamb; She spurned him with her Bathing Shoe and changed him to a Clam! Two crustie Shells his Person hid—alack, the sorrie Plight! She changed him to a Clam, she did!—which servéd of him right! Arthur Guiterman,