Life — July 5, 1917 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ET A Ea “ HOOFS UP, THERE i Cornering a Governor OVERNOR GOODRICH of Indi- ana, who is getting nation-wide attention for his practical efforts to aid, by food conservation and increased production, in solving the important problem of food supply, is among the busiest of men, but mects the trials and vexations of his office with a sav- ing sense of humor. He was ten min- utes late at a recent meeting and ex- plained as follows: : “Gentlemen, I beg your pardon for being late, but I couldn't help it. Just as I was starting, my secretary said there was a lady on the telephone who would not talk to him but wanted the Governor personally. 1 took the tele- phone, and the conversation ran this way: Is this Governor Goodrich?’ Yes, madam. What can I do for > Well, Governor, you know how you have been urging everybody to make gardens. Well, I made one and right a a neighbor turned her chickens loose, and they scratched it all up. Now, what am I going to do?’ “*Catch the chickens and pen them up,’ I replied. “Well, that’s enough, but this woman is a malicious thir id she might have me arrested. Now, if she does that, what are you going to do?’ “*Madam,’ I replied quite seriously, ‘if she has you arrested and you are convicted, I'll pardon you.” — “LPS The Lyric Baedeker PHILADELPHIA CAN lyricize ornately Of the city that sedately Stands upon the western bank of Dela- ware, For I know a Lloyd, a Norris And a Rittenhouse and Morris, And I’m quite at home on Independ- ence Square. In the reign of Charles the Second, Where the leafy forest beckoned It was founded by a certain William Penn, Whom the people speak quite well of ; And you also hear them tell of Mr. Franklin, known familiarly as “Ben.” There are many colored voters, And a reckless mob of motors, And the streets are Market, Chestnut, Spruce and Pine. The descendants of the Quakers Buy their pins at Wanamaker’s, And the Stratford is the proper place to dine. When you pass the outer bound’ries OF the textile mills and foundries, irmount Park will yield contentment to the soul. All the suburbs are alluring ; And their roads are fine for touring, Though at every other mile you pay a toll. Where the trees in April quicken On the lovely Wissahickon, Or in winter where the Schuylkill, full of slush, Cuts the city through the middle, One may even see a Biddle, A Cadwallader, a Shippen or a Rush! You should tarry there and grapple With the mysteries of “scrapple”"— A conglomerate of flour, herbs and pork, Philadelphia, not to quiz it, Is a pleasant place—to visit; Which is what the natives say about New York. Arthur Guiterman, SYTHING TO OBLIGE, OLD ap! How to Write for Life ON'T be funny. Be funny. Be brief. Don't write verses. Write occasional verses. Be brief. Don't cater to Lire’s hobbies. Cater to Lire’s hobbies. Be brief. Don't send in the bright sayings of children. Bright sayings of children always ac- ceptable, Be brief. Don’t knock the President. Knock the President. Be bricf. Don't ha Always Be brief. ve ideas. e an idea. WARNING IF WE LOOKED THE WAY WE FEEL AFTER A VERY BIG DINNER comicbook