Life — April 26, 1917 — page 56: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“IE DPE - “acH Cott! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN LATELY?” The Only One THE new baby looked over in a puzzled, vague, indefinite manner to the person sit- ting at the other end of the crib. “Tam just trying to get my bearings,” said the baby, with a weak attempt to smile, which did pny not succeed. The person addressed elevated her eyebrows a little and said: You may have made the mistake of your life in com- ing here, 1f I could do it alf over again——” “TI suspected that,” said the baby. “Of course, my standard of comparison—well, I haven't any.” “Oh, yes, you have, It may not be apparent to you, but it is racial. “Racial? What's that?” “Well, that’s what you get from your grandfather and ur great-grandfather and so on back. Some people call instinct. You feel that there is something wrong with this place. That's what I mean.” “Ah! Then you confirm my feelings.” “I do most decidedly. This is no place for a young baby. The food is adulterated, the clothes are made of materials not what they are represented, the relatives are atrociously vulgar and prying, the people themselves are well-meaning but stupid and incomprehensive.” “What would you suggest?” said the baby. “I sup- pose I might cook up a fatal case of colic or suffocate myself with some of these frightful blankets. I am so young now that I would not feel so sensitive about dying as I might when I grew older.” “But the moral part of it?” said the other person. “Have you considered that? You have a responsibility.” “Indeed! What is it?” The person elevated her eyebrows again. “Ts it possible,” she whispered, “that you don’t know?” “T haven't the slightest conception.” “Well, then, you are the only baby in the whole world.” “What?” “A fact. No other babies have been born anywhere now for a long time. You see, everybody has been busy— awfully, terribly, frightfully busy—killing one another— doing the necessary things of life—and there has been no time to have any babies. You were a world accident. With- out you the human race will cease to exist. Perhaps I should not tell you this. I am speaking to you as a friend.” The baby pondered. “You are quite sure,” she said at last, “that all you say is true. There will be no more of anything if I go out?” “ Nothing.” No more envy and hatred and malice or war, no more moving-picture shows and vaudeville performances or sub- urbs, no more society functions or entertainments, or politics, or bribery, or slums, or minor poets, or profes- sional humorists?"” The other person smiled. “No more. I am only five years old myself, but you can rely upon me. Shall I adjust that blanket over your head and sit on it for a couple of hours?” “No. “You don’t mean to say that, after what I have told you, you are going to live?” The new baby made another attempt to smile, and suc- ceeded a little better, “You bet Iam. I am going to live, if it is possible, in spite of them all, just from pure perversity and curiosity. You forget, my dear little sister, that I am a girl baby. I simply must live, because I'm dying to find out what's going to happen.” Not If They Can Help It IRST AMERICAN: In this day of revolutions, you don’t know what to expect next. Look at China, Russia— Seconp American: I should say! have a republic in Mexico, Some day they may comicbooks.com