Life, 1917-04-26 · page 32 of 84
Life — April 26, 1917 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three unrelated satirical pieces typical of early Life magazine: **"Aut Scissors Aut Nullus" (top left):** A brief comic anecdote about a man who, after his steering gear fails and damages a jewelry store, hires a chauffeur. The chauffeur similarly claims steering trouble, but the punchline reveals he actually hit and killed his employer—darkly suggesting the boss discovered the unauthorized car use fatally. **"A Tribute" (top right):** A humorous account of a municipal official at Julia Ward Howe's memorial service (the author of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"). The officer confuses her identity, calling her "the late Julia Ward Howard," author of "Uncle Tom's Cabin"—attributing Harriet Beecher Stowe's famous work to Howe. The satire mocks ceremonial incompetence and public ignorance about literary figures. **Bottom cartoon:** A doctor-patient exchange where a stomach-ache sufferer seeks help, but the doctor (recognizing him as the plumber who poorly fixed his bathroom) threatens revenge by retrieving tools—reciprocal payback humor. The page is primarily comedic rather than political.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SSAUT SCISSORS Se Aut NULLus Economy Something happened to the steering gear and his machine dashed across a crowded sidewalk and into a jeweler's store window. It cost him heavily to settle everything, and after that he didn’t drive his car, Last week he hired an ex- pert chauffeur to tool him down town. Soon some trouble developed. He hailed the drive “What's the matter?" “ Steering gear gone wrong, sir! What shall I do?” “Drive into the cheapest thing you see !"—Argonaut, “ Bap luck, that, for poor old Bill,” said Jinks, the chauffeur. “He got fined for taking out his employer's car without permission.” “But how did the boss know he took ie” . Speedem : “Bill ran over him. York Times. THAT CLERK WAS RIGHT. TO BUY THESE GOOD INNER-TURES ! A Tribute When. Julia Ward Howe died memo- rial services in her honor were held at San Francisco, and the local literary col- ony attended practically en masse to pay by their presence a tribute to the writer. A municipal officer was asked to pre- side. Dressed in his long frock coat and his broad white tie, he advanced to the edge of the platform to launch the exer- cises and introduce the principal eulogist. He bowed low and spoke as follows: “Your attendance here, ladies and gents, in such great aumbers shows San Francisco's appreciation of good litera- ture. This meeting is a great testimonial to the immortal author of ‘Uncle Tom's Cabin ‘"—the late Julia Ward Howard!" —Saturday Evening Post, ERVOUS GENTLEMAN (from the cowr- try): Oh, a little lamb and some potato, Brisk Water (shouting up the res taurant): One lamb, one potato! Nervous Gextieman: Waiter, waiter, a little less lamb, please, and—and a little more potato.—Tit-Bits. “Late War Epttio: daily. greets our eyes If only it were the “late” war! —London Opinion. IT PAYS is published every T y, simultancously in the United States, Great Brital Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U. S. Patent Office: $3.00 @ yeat in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents, Back number: iter three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print. The text and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lire, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England, irr is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from beot sellers in all the principal cities in the world foreign trade supplied fro= . Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addresed envelope. Lire does not hold itself responsible for the loss or non-return of une licited contributions. Hotice of change of address should reach this ofice ten days prior to the dete «f issue to be affected. Of Course What else—It is so far the best table water that you are almost certain to find it served at the next banquet you attend. 15 grains of Lithia Salts to the gallon. Sold everywhere in splits, pints and quarts only. Don’t accept ordinary waters. Insist on genuine {rexncoSnarwns) Dervted or The Ciyseate Spriogs ot WAUKESHA. WIS. “OM, DOCTOR, CAN'T YE DO SOMETHIN’ RIGHT AWAY FOR THIS STOMACH-ACHE? “YES, BUT CONSIDERING YOU'RE THE PLUMBER WHO FIXED THE LEAK IN MY BATHROOM, I'M TEMPTED TO GO BACK FOR M TooLs,