Life — March 22, 1917 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3 AUT SCISSORS Aut NULLUs A Joke on the Doctor A physician boarded a crowded cross- town car. A woman ‘was standing, and a big German seated, sprawling over twice the space necessary. Indignantly the doctor said to’him: “See here! Why don’t you move a little, so that this tired worhan may have a seat?” 3 For a moment the German looked dazed. Then a broad smile spread over his countenance as he answered : “Say, dot's a joke on you, all right! Dot's my vife!"—Harper’s Magazine. ; Otp Lavy: This be a terrible war, doc- tor! "4 Docrox: It is, indeed. Ouv Lapy: It’s a pity someone don’ catch that there old Kruger!” Docrox: Ah! You mean the Kaiser. Otp Lavy: Aw—changed his name, has he, deceitful old varmint!—Tit-Bits. Lire is published every Thirsday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. Title registered in U, S. Patent Office. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to fercign countries in the Postal Union, $1.05 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Rack numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. Issues prior to 1910 out of print The text and illustrations in Live are copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Live, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, Fetter Lane, London, E. C., England. Worlds Greatest Hotel Success ATLANTIC CITY The finest product of American creative genius employed the profitable expenditure of more than Five Millions Capital. Here congregate the distinguished representatives of the worlds of Fashion, Art, Literature, Science, Commerce, and Statesmanship. American—European Plans JOSEPH WALTON MOTT DANIEL S. WHITE Presi General Manager NO WONDER OUR NEW CLOCK COULD RUN EIGHT Hopeless There is in the employ of a Brooklyn woman an Irish cook who has managed to break nearly every variety of article that the household contains. The mis- tress’ patience reached its limit recently when she discovered that the cook had broken the thermometer that hung in the dining-room. “Well, well,” sighed the lady of the house, in a resigned way, “ you've man- aged to break even the thermometer, haven't you?” Whereupon, in a tone equally resigned, the cook said: “ Yis, mum; and now we'll have to take the weather just as it comes, won't we? "—Argonaut. Tue lieutenant was instructing the squad in visional training. “Tell me, Number One,” he said, “ how many men are there in that trench-dig- ging party over there?” “Thirty men and one officer,” was the prompt reply. “Quite right,” observed the lieutenant, after a pause, “But how do you know one is an officer at this distance?” DAYS, LOOK AT ALL THE WORKS IT MAD IN IT.” “'Cos he’s the only one not working, sir." —Tit-Bits, Lire: is for sale by all newsdealers in Great Britain and may be obtained from book sellers in all the principal cities in the world. ‘The foreign trade supplied from Lire’s London Office, Rolls House, Breams Buildings, London, E. C No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by ‘stamped and addressed envelope. docs not hold itself responsible for the lose or on-return of uaz licited contributions. Notice of change of address should reach this office issue to be affected. ten days prior to the date of NAVAL RESERVE